Welcome to Assumptions Discussion

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Hello and welcome to Roots of the Rise with me , sarah Hope . Today we are talking about assumptions and why they can be such a big challenge and create so many problems in our lives . So let's get into it and start talking

Phone Use Workshop Story

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about assumptions . Last week I was teaching a workshop and I got struck by how many people were on their phone while I was teaching . And when I first started , this used to really bother me because I'd look out , you know I'd be teaching a group of 20 people and it would seem like at least half of them were on their phones while I was talking . And in that moment I could make the assumption that these people were bored and not enjoying the talk and didn't think it was worthwhile and were playing a game or whatever , and that could lead me to be really uncomfortable and very self-conscious and think that I wasn't doing a really good job . One day after class , I had a woman come up to me and say you know , oh , I'm so sorry I was on my phone today . I just forgot to bring a notebook , so I was taking notes , and I remember that moment so clearly because it gave me this different perspective , this moment of realizing oh , wait a minute , all these people who are on their phones . They might be actually really engaged and really enjoying what I'm saying and getting a lot out of it , and they're just taking notes . Or maybe they're putting the book that I just recommended into their Amazon cart . And I'm so grateful for that moment because it was right when I had first started doing a lot of workshops . So we're talking like eight years ago . I was still really new in it and had all of this self-consciousness and having her come up and just you know , kind of offhand apologizing for this thing . That had really been making me nervous . It changed everything Because I was able to stop making the assumption that people being on their phones meant

Harmful Nature of Daily Assumptions

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that I was doing a poor job and that one little change made teaching so much more enjoyable for me .

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And you know , this is the thing about assumptions they can be so harmful and we have a tendency to make them all the time About everything , without even realizing that we're making them . You know , that guy who cut us off is a jerk . Our spouse doesn't care about us because they can't remember our schedule , even though we told them five minutes ago . Our kid is ungrateful because , honestly , when was the last time they said thank you , our friend doesn't really care about us because they haven't texted in over a month . The problem is that we make these assumptions , but we believe they are truth . We could swear that they're real .

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We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking . We take it personally , then we begin to blame them and we can create a whole big drama over nothing , over a misunderstanding . So often we are afraid to ask for clarification . Now , of course , we're not going to pull over the guy who cut us off and ask what the deal is , but with our loved ones it's possible . We can ask what's actually going on , but it's also really vulnerable and scary to do that . Moreover , sometimes we can ask the person and they might not even know what's going on with them to have created such a big reaction . But regardless , what we risk is worse because we're afraid to ask for clarification . We make assumptions , we believe we're right about the assumptions . Then we defend our assumptions and try to make someone else wrong and , as I said before , that can create a whole slew of issues that maybe don't even need to be there . Maybe the foundation of those issues isn't sturdy . It's always better to ask the question than to make an assumption because assumptions set us up for suffering , for believing the worst .

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We tell ourselves stories about who we are , who other people are , the way life is all the time . We only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear . We don't necessarily perceive the way things actually are . We have a habit of dreaming with no basis in reality . We literally dream things up in our imaginations because we don't understand something , because we don't really see it . We make an assumption about the meaning

Assumptions in Personal Relationships

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and when the truth comes out , everything pops and we realize oh , this wasn't what I thought it was at all .

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Take relationships Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and that we don't have to say what we want . We assume that they are going to do what we want because they know us so well , especially the longer you've been in a relationship . If they don't do what we want , we can make all sorts of assumptions about why not . They don't know us as well as they should . They don't care enough to make an effort . They are purposefully trying to be hurtful . They should have known right . We can also make the assumption that everyone sees life , at least in some respect , the way that we do . We assume that others think the way we think , feel the way we feel , judge the way we judge , abuse the way we abuse and , furthermore , we assume that we're right and anyone who doesn't feel or believe this way is wrong . This is often unconscious and it's one of the biggest assumptions that humans make , and this is why we have a fear of being ourselves around others , because we think everyone else will judge us or victimize us or abuse us or blame us .

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In Radical Forgiveness , colin Tipping writes that he prefers to use the word assumption rather than belief or even principle , because simply classifying an idea as an assumption allows for the possibility of a greater truth emerging in the future . I am more likely to be open to seeing the deeper meaning in something if I am not ego-invested in a belief system I feel obliged to defend . I thought that was so beautiful and so important , especially in today's cancel culture . Too often we're so attached to what we believe that we have a hard time pivoting , even when we get new information . Everyone is just so convinced of their own BS belief system . This is especially true when it comes to making assumptions about ourselves , and this can create so much inner conflict

Questioning Our Self-Assumptions

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You think , oh , I can totally do this . You make this assumption that you can do it , and then you discover you can't . Or the reverse you think there's no way I can do that . And then you make an attempt and you surprise yourself by achieving that which you thought you could not do . You either overestimate or underestimate yourself , because maybe you haven't taken the time to ask yourself questions and to really answer them . Perhaps you need to gather more facts about a situation , or maybe you need to stop lying to yourself about what you truly want and what you are truly capable of . Maybe you just need to pull your pants up and put the parachute on and take a leap of faith .

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The best way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to ask questions . Make sure the communication is clear . If you don't understand , ask . Ask in order to understand , not just to reply . And have the courage to ask until you are so clear that you can reiterate it back to the person in a way that is irrefutable and they say yes , you've got it . And even then , don't assume that you know all there is to know about a given situation .

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So much of us are operating from a place of unconscious beliefs and patterns and thoughts , unconscious beliefs and patterns and thoughts . So even though you might ask someone to clarify and they do absolutely the best they can there still might be something underneath that even they can't enumerate . The best thing you can do is just keep asking questions until you feel like you have gotten as close to the whole truth as possible and also find your voice to ask for what you want . Remember , people are not telepathic . You can't assume that they know what you want , so you have to be able to ask for it , and everybody has the right to tell you no ,

Finding Clarity Through Questions

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but you always have the right to ask . Everybody has the right to tell you no , but you always have the right to ask .

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The day you stop making assumptions will be the day that you really begin to communicate cleanly and clearly . So what I'd like you to kind of ponder today , if you're so inclined , is where are you making assumptions in your life ? Are there any situations in which you think you know all there is to know but you haven't actually fact-checked yourself about ? Are there any issues that you have with certain people in your lives that may have a foundation of misunderstanding and assumptions ? Play around with thinking about this today and let me know what you discover .

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You can email me at rootsoftherise at gmailcom . I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day and I'll be back tomorrow morning . Until then , know who you are , love who you've been and be willing to do the work to become who you

Episode Closing and Disclaimer

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want to be . Just a quick reminder this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only . I am not a licensed therapist and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician , therapist or any other qualified provider . That said , I hope it inspires you to grow , heal and seek the support you need to thrive .