Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome back to Roots of the Rise with me, sarah. How many times have you heard that gratitude is really important, that it can shift your mindset, change your relationships for the better, even improve your overall well-being? Is the hype really worth it? Today I'm going to tell you why indeed it is. You're going to learn how it does impact, changing on every level for the better, why some people really struggle with it, and I'll give you one simple challenge to start rewiring your brain for gratitude today.

Speaker 1: 0:44

Gratitude is the attitude. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a million times. But philosophers, researchers, sages, contemporaries like Brene Brown and Dr Andrew Huberman, they all agree gratitude is good for us on so many levels. Mentally, it's the opposite of anxiety, materialism, envy, discontent, frustration, even narcissism. You can't be grateful. At the same time you're fill in the blank, complaining, comparing, resenting, spiraling, catastrophizing. Those things just can't coexist with gratitude. It also helps us shift out of scarcity mentality. You know that voice that says things will be better when, when I have more money, more time, more love, more peace. I touched on this in episode four, which I'll link below that connection between gratitude and scarcity. But Wayne Dyer put it beautifully the first step toward discarding a scarcity mentality is giving thanks for everything you have. Gratitude opens the door to the opposite of scarcity abundance. There are millionaires who are miserable and people living with very little who are deeply happy, because fullness isn't about your bank account or how many likes you get on your most recent post or how many friends you have at your birthday party. It's about your heart and your capacity for connection in all ways, and your task is to release the subconscious blocks that keep you from seeing how much you already have. This doesn't mean you can't want more. Of course you can, we all do but you can want more while being deeply grateful for what you already have, for what is already here Emotionally. Brene Brown says the only difference between people who are able to truly feel joy and those who aren't is gratitude. So if you listened to the last episode on joy, you know these are deeply connected.

Speaker 1: 2:58

In Atlas of the Heart, brene Brown introduced a term I had never heard, an upward spiral that defines the relationship between joy and gratitude, and I agree with her comment that this is a nice counterpoint to all the downward spirals we hear about. She says trait gratitude predicts greater future experiences of in-the-moment joy. Trait joy predicts greater future experiences of in-the-moment gratitude and dispositional or situational joy predicts greater future subjective well-being. It just spirals up. Just to clarify, a state is fleeting, it's something you drop into now and then. Maybe you have to work for it or reach for it, or you stumble into it by accident. A trait, on the other hand, is part of who you are. It's baked in, it shows up uninvited, naturally, effortlessly. We'll talk more in a moment about how to shift gratitude from a state to a trait, but let's keep talking about the benefits of gratitude.

Speaker 1: 4:04

Physically, gratitude helps us downshift from stress and anxiety which we know cause inflammation, disrupt sleep, spike blood pressure, impact our long-term health. Gratitude helps reverse this. It calms the nervous system. It literally brings the body back into balance. Relationally, gratitude is the antidote to you. Don't appreciate me. There's a concept called find, remind, bind. When you're tuned into gratitude, you're better able to find people who are good for you. Gratitude reminds you of why they're good for you and it binds you more closely to them. That's why some researchers call gratitude the social glue. It's something that strengthens relationships and supports, kind of how we all interconnect and connect with one another.

Speaker 1: 4:54

The only thing to watch out for here just in a slight tangent is love languages, because sometimes people express appreciation in a way we don't naturally receive. For instance, some people show gratitude and appreciation by saying thank you. That's what most of us do, right. But if you're trying to say thank you to someone whose language is gifts, for instance, they might receive your appreciation more readily if you get them a little gift, a little present. I'm not going to get into all of the nuances here, but I will link in the show notes the first of the six-part series I did on the love languages. So if you want to explore that more, go ahead and check those out some other time. Anyway, all of this to say gratitude is powerful.

Speaker 1: 5:45

There's a growing body of research that backs this up, and if you want to do like a deep dive into the neuroscience and physiology of gratitude, I highly recommend Dr Andrew Huberman's episode on it. I'll link that below as well. Highly recommend Dr Andrew Huberman's episode on it. I'll link that below as well. It is meaty, just like all of his stuff, but totally worth it. And if you are skeptical about how gratitude can literally change, you listen to that episode because you will have no doubt after you do so.

Speaker 1: 6:14

What exactly is gratitude? Oxford defines it as the quality of being thankful, readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. Not exactly magical, right? I mean, it just sounds simple, almost too simple, even taking into consideration the social glue aspect, I mean. Still important, yes, but does that alone make you want to actually start a gratitude practice? Maybe not. It still sounds kind of fluffy to me. So let's use Brene Brown's definition, drawn from her research.

Speaker 1: 6:51

Gratitude is an emotion that reflects our deep appreciation for what we value, what brings meaning to our lives and what makes us feel connected to ourselves and others. That lands a little differently, doesn't it? I want to read something else from Atlas of the Heart, where Brene Brown quotes Robert Emmons I believe that's how you say his name who is the world's leading scientific expert on gratitude. He writes research on emotion shows that positive emotions wear off quickly. Our emotional systems like newness, they like novelty, they like change. We adapt to positive life circumstances so that before too long the new car, the new spouse, the new house they don't feel new and exciting anymore.

Speaker 1: 7:48

But gratitude makes us appreciate the value of something, and when we appreciate the value of something we extract more benefits from it. We're less likely to take it for granted. In effect, I think gratitude allows us to participate more in life. We notice the positives more, and that magnifies the pleasures you get from life. Instead of adapting to goodness, we celebrate goodness. We spend so much time watching things movies, computer screens, sports but with gratitude we become greater participants in our lives, as opposed to spectators. Brene goes on to comment that this is just another way of saying remember the day you prayed for the things you have now. The truth is and we all do this we gloss over the good. We enjoy something for a moment and then we move right on to the next thing. That's why gratitude is so closely tied to scarcity, as we talked about in episode four, and to destination addiction, which we talked about in episode 74.

Speaker 1: 9:00

Gratitude stops us in our tracks, it anchors us to the good in our lives. It helps us feel it more fully. And isn't that the whole point to actually enjoy our lives. If you're thinking, yeah, but I don't, I don't enjoy my life, I don't tend to see the good, gratitude does not come easily for me. Well, here's some good news Gratitude is a skill. The more you practice it, the more it becomes a trait rather than just a state. Be consistent in your gratitude practice and things will shift from you having to search for things to be grateful for to just seeing them everywhere.

Speaker 1: 9:43

At first it might take effort. You may have to sit down and, you know, do the three things you're grateful for, list or intentionally look for moments of appreciation. But over time a switch flips and suddenly you find yourself thinking unbidden, without having to reach for it, just organically out of the ether. Thinking, wow, I really do have a great partner. Or, oh, I am so lucky this is where I live. Or I can't believe I get to do this for work. Even small things like, oh, wow, how lucky am I to have this beautiful light coming through my window, like these thoughts. They begin to arise without effort, not right away, but it does happen. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes.

Speaker 1: 10:34

Now let's just take a brief detour and talk about people who seem incapable of gratitude. We all know somebody Now. Personality, gender, life circumstances, societal norms, agreeableness, openness to experience all of these things contribute, but there is no single particular variable that stands out as playing the most important role and that reinforces the truth. Gratitude is a skill. It can be developed and some people might have more of a natural aptitude for it. Sure, but that doesn't mean you can't strengthen yours with intention and practice. That said, certain traits can make it harder.

Speaker 1: 11:21

So people who are materialistic, envious, cynical or narcissistic might have a tougher time with gratitude, because these qualities conflict with its very essence. Materialistic and envious people have a tendency to focus on what they don't have. Materialistic and envious people have a tendency to focus on what they don't have, whereas grateful people tend to see things to be grateful for everywhere. Again, you can't be envious and grateful at the same time. Cynical people tend to doubt the intentions of others, and you know, they just believe that people are in it only for themselves, so it's hard for them to feel gratitude for others. And narcissists. Well, they really are in it only for themselves and they think they deserve everything to be done for them. So why would they feel grateful when it is their right to have these things?

Speaker 1: 12:16

And there's one more thing that can rob us of gratitude, and that is Someone once said expectations are premeditated resentments. When our expectations aren't meant, whether they're spoken or unspoken, it's hard to appreciate what has unfolded, life should be, or how people should act. And when those beliefs aren't met, disappointments rush in. Gratitude gets pushed out. So let's zoom in on that for a moment, because gratitude, especially in relationships, can get complicated.

Speaker 1: 13:04

We don't just blindly feel grateful for everything that's given to us. We evaluate it, we judge. We wonder was this gift given with a pure heart or did they have an ulterior motive, like when an employee gives their boss a Christmas present is it genuine or are they just sucking up? We also consider what the gift cost the giver, not just in money, but in time, effort, thoughtfulness. If a millionaire in your life gives you a $50 Target gift card, how would that land?

Speaker 1: 13:32

If someone you know who makes incredible strawberry jam and who gives it to certain people, but then gives you a store-bought jar, how would that make you feel? Would you feel appreciated or maybe a little slighted? What about the fit of the gift? Does it actually hold value for you If your spouse gives you fishing gear when you could care less about fishing, or opera tickets when you can barely tolerate any live performance, are you going to feel touched or misunderstood? Performance are you going to feel touched or misunderstood? Also, you know what if the gift was given out of obligation rather than desire. Are you buying a birthday present for your mother-in-law because you adore her? Shout out to mine, absolutely, I am. Or because you feel like you have to? You know, all of this complexity around giving and receiving brings us back to a deeper question how often do you actually feel gratitude? Are you someone who's quick to notice and savor appreciation? Or, more often, are you scanning for what's off, what's missing, what could have been better?

Speaker 1: 14:47

In another episode I'll walk you through some very specific gratitude practices, but today I want to point you toward episode 22, where I cover how to express appreciation using the framework of nonviolent communication. Why? Because and this is backed by Dr Andrew Huberman. Again, I'll lick his gratitude episode in the show notes. Receiving gratitude is actually one of the most powerful ways to build your own gratitude practice.

Speaker 1: 15:18

But that's tricky, right, like you can't exactly schedule people to express their appreciation for you. Like, okay, best friend, call me on Monday and tell me that you're grateful for me. And you know, spouse Tuesday, boss on Wednesday. You know you can't schedule people to tell you they're grateful for you. But here's the spiritual truth what you give, you shall receive. So start there, start by expressing more gratitude. And a great way to do that is using the nonviolent communication method. Instead of a vague thanks for supporting me, you might say, I'm so thankful that you supported my decision to go back to school, both financially and by telling me how much you believe in me, I've been feeling this deep need to grow and how I serve my clients, and knowing you're behind me a hundred percent means the world Big difference between those two.

Speaker 1: 16:19

In the second, you're naming what they did, how you made it feel and what need it met Clarity, depth and sincerity. So here's your challenge I want you to try expressing gratitude to someone every day for a month, or every weekday if that feels more doable, and just watch what happens. Like I said, go back, listen to that episode that I'll link below on nonviolent communication so that you can really get the examples I give and kind of the rubric for how to deeply express gratitude, because just saying, oh, thanks for doing the dishes, that doesn't cut it. I want you to really slow down and feel the gratitude, and so doing this protocol of needing to name precisely what they did, how it made you feel and what need of yours was met will enable both you and the recipient of your gratitude to feel it on a completely different level. So I want you to try this and see what happens.

Speaker 1: 17:26

I almost postponed making the suggestion until November, for Thanksgiving, but you know what? There is no better time than the present to start cultivating this within yourself. And who does not need a little bit more love these days? Because, again, if you can do this every day, even every workday, for a month, that means you're going to be finding 20 people to 30, depending right To show to them that they matter in your life, that they are of value. If you do this and that is an incredible gift that you'd be giving to those people.

Speaker 1: 18:10

Now remember, gratitude does not ask you to ignore your desires or lower your standards. It simply invites you to notice what's already working, what's already good, what's already here. That's it for today. If something stirred in you during this episode or you have a question, feel free to email me at rootsoftherise at gmailcom. If you found today's episode helpful or thought provoking, hit, follow or subscribe, share it with a friend, leave a review. It really does mean so much to me when you do. Until next time, know who you are, love who you've met and be willing to do the work to become who you are today. Just a quick reminder this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist or any other qualified provider. That said, I hope it inspires you to grow, heal and seek the support you need to thrive.