Speaker 1: 0:26

Thank you. We're going to talk about the importance of using our blinker in relationships, those simple, clear signals that keep us connected, and how doing so can bring more ease, clarity and compassion into your daily interactions. Welcome to Roots of the Rise with me, sarah Hope, offering bite-sized insights and practices where spiritual wisdom meets practical tools to support your health, healing and happiness. Today is going to be another short episode because I am in the throes between going away for a retreat and then going away again for a training, so time is not my friend at the particular moment, but I did want to share this with you today.

Speaker 1: 1:08

I experience a very mild case of road rage. Pretty often, there are only a few things left that can still spark a real sense of frustration in me, and someone not using their blinker is one of them. Because it's just so simple to flick that directional signal to let me know if you're going to turn, so that I can make my turn, or to let me know you're moving into the middle lane, so I don't do the same at the exact same time. I mean, it benefits both of us, and yet so many people don't do it, or they do it so last minute, that it's almost as though they didn't use it at all. Right, as I was muttering, seriously the other day, when someone turned without signaling, I realized this is one of my pet peeves about communication in general, because that's all a blinker is. It's a form of communication, and an easy one at that. I mean no vulnerability, no long conversation, no explanation needed Not so with verbal communication, which requires all those things. So I get that it's not apples to apples, but so often we don't use our blinker in relationships either. We expect our partners to know exactly what's going on in our heads and we get angry when they don't. We expect our friends to know that we're feeling isolated and need their presence, even when all we texted was hey, how's it going? We even expect ourselves to always know the right thing to do or say, even when we aren't being clearly communicated with.

Speaker 1: 2:36

So today I thought it might be a good idea to send out a gentle reminder. We have to stop expecting the people in our lives to read our minds and know exactly what we're thinking, wanting or needing, even if they've known you your whole life, even if you wake up and go to sleep next to them every day, even if you've said it a hundred times before. No one is perfect, no one is telepathic and everyone needs reminders and grace. We're all just doing our best and sometimes we mess up every single one of us.

Speaker 1: 3:10

So right now, consider if there's someone in your life who you feel has let you down recently, or an argument that was really just one big misunderstanding, or maybe you don't even know why someone is mad at you. I encourage you to reach out and have a conversation, not asking questions to reply, but asking questions to understand. Ask clarifying questions. Clear up the assumptions. Don't assume you know exactly what's going on with everyone around you. Be a detective. If you haven't heard from someone in a while, check in. If someone in your life seems angrier than usual, don't write it off or assume it's about you. Ask what's really going on. Maybe there's a stressor you don't know about and they actually really need to talk and just don't know how to ask for it.

Speaker 1: 4:02

Most of all, I invite you to take personal accountability for being more transparent with the people in your world. Are you really okay, or are you stressed and taking it out on others without letting them know what's happening under the surface? Did you bite your spouse's head off about changing plans when really you were frustrated because their choice unknowingly dismissed someone else's need? Have you been using your own blinker? We can't expect people to support us the way we want if we don't let them know clearly and kindly what we need. Let me just pause to acknowledge I know this is frustrating. I know it can be so annoying when you feel like you have clearly and cleanly communicated maybe not just once but a million times that you have a desire that your spouse do something a certain way or that a friend show up for you in a certain way. Like I get it, it can be kind of exhausting being a detective all the time or being the one who is really trying to consciously understand what's going on in another person's world or universe.

Speaker 1: 5:08

And also I'd argue that there are a few things that are more important, that sometimes we do just have to accept that that's the role that we're playing. Now. We don't want this to be too unbalanced, right. We do not want it to be that we are always the one who is investigating and asking and putting forth the effort I mean. Reciprocation and relationship is very important, but I also know I, like I, have people in my life who I love deeply, who are just horrible communicators, who are just really bad at it, but they have so many other qualities that in some ways make up for the fact that they're not great at communicating. So it's worth it. It's worth it to me to take it upon myself to continuously be the one to reach out and check in and shore up the relationship and, sure, maybe at some point that dynamical change and it'll stop feeling like it is worthwhile that the relationship is supportive.

Speaker 1: 6:11

But until that day comes, I am going to continue being curious. And there's no relationship more important than the one you have with your spouse. And sometimes I know that's the one sorry, that was my dog, if you heard it I know that's the one that can be the most frustrating, because this is your partner, this is the person who is supposed to know you better than anyone else in the world. This is the person who is supposed to know you better than anyone else in the world. And sometimes it can feel like they know you the least, or that they care the least because they know what you need or want, but don't do it. And those are always moments to get curious about what's going on in their dynamic, what's going on in their kind of subconscious and under the covers emotions, because maybe there's something up for them that is preventing them from being able to step into the best version of themselves, the most supported version. And also, you know most of us, at some point in a long term relationship we can get a little lazy, you know, when things aren't bad, when we're just trucking along and things are decent, it's easy to be able, or to begin, rather, taking our partner's needs or wants for granted, or we get really busy with all the dynamics of our life, whether it's a stressful time at work or a lot of things going on with the kids or needing to take care of an aging parent. That can get in the way of us placing our partners first, instead of getting angry and resentful about this when it happens, it's an opportunity to to make greater, deeper, more clear bids for connection with our partner.

Speaker 1: 7:56

Marshall Rosenberg talks a lot about this in his book Nonviolent Communication, which I talk about well a lot, but more specifically in episodes 22 and 69, which I'll link in the show notes. At its core, nonviolent communication is about noticing what we're feeling, getting clear on what we need and then finding kind, honest words to ask for it. Sometimes this is simple, sometimes it's tricky. We may not fully know what we're feeling or needing, only that we don't feel supported or loved in some way. Important practices, rosenberg says, is learning how to name our emotions, identify our needs and understanding the difference between making a request and making a demand. That's what episode 69 was all about.

Speaker 1: 8:43

So think of it like using your blinker in relationships clear signals that let others know what's going on inside you so that they can show up in the ways you need. And it's also about you learning how to ask the questions that will help get to the bottom of whatever the people in your life are going through. Again, not making assumptions that you know exactly what's happening, how they're feeling, but learning how to ask them questions so that you can be of greater support to the people you deeply care about. So I want to give you some journal prompts, as always, some journal slash thought prompts, so that you can think about this and start exploring it a little bit more. So, first one where in your life are you expecting someone to just know what you need instead of clearly communicating it? Number two think about a recent misunderstanding. What assumptions were at play yours or theirs, and how could clearer communication have shifted the outcome? And number three, how can you practice using your blinker this week? What's one need or feeling you can name out loud instead of keeping it inside, and who can you communicate that need to so that maybe you can get it met in a healthy way? So that's the reminder for today Simple, just use your blinker.

Speaker 1: 10:07

Don't leave the people in your life guessing. Communicate what you're feeling, what you're needing, and give them a chance to show up for you. It's not about perfection. It's about honesty, clarity and grace. Thanks so much for listening. If you'd like to stay connected, visit risingwithsarahcom to sign up for my newsletter and be the first to know about new retreats and offerings to help you live with more joy and authenticity and remember, know who you are, love who you've been and be willing to do the work to become who you're meant to be. Just a quick reminder this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist or any other qualified provider. That said, I hope it inspires you to grow heal and seek the support you need to thrive.