How many of you know someone who just isn't doing the work? Someone who seems content to stay angry, judgmental, or stuck. Maybe even someone you love deeply? This episode is about finding peace in that space. Learning how to stay true to your path even when others aren't walking theirs. Welcome to Roots of the Rise with me, Sarah Hope, where spiritual wisdom meets practical tools in short episodes. Each one is a taster, not a deep dive, meant to spark curiosity and guide you toward authentic alignment. Let's be honest, we all know someone like that. Likely many people who are not doing the work and we really wish they would. They seem so content to be miserable, to be mean, to be angry, to be disconnected from their emotions, to hold on to their judgments. And they're not even trying. It seems like they have no desire to change. This might even be your significant other, your parent, your child. And then there's you who's doing your best to let go of all that, to live a life of joy and compassion, to be deeply connected to who you're meant to be, which you know is none of those other things. Firstly, let's just normalize how incredibly frustrating and lonely this path can be. In some ways, this might be the hardest part of growth, realizing you can't drag other people into awareness with you. Not even the people you love most, the ones you desperately want to bring with you. You find yourself thinking, if only they would just read this book, listen to this podcast, go to therapy, think of the relationship we could have. Making peace with the fact that they might never do that, it's heartbreaking. In the last year of my adopted mother's life, we went to therapy every week. And it was awful. Got wrenching. It brought up so much. But one of the biggest, most important takeaways I had was realizing that my mom was never going to change. I had no idea at the time that she had been in therapy my entire life, even before she adopted me. That's more than 25 years of therapy, and yet she was still completely incapable of facing the ways she deeply hurt me. I think my mom did what many people who aren't ready to let go of their pain or want on some level to change, but on a deeper level aren't capable of truly facing themselves do, which is to find a therapist who will let them stay comfortable in their stories. If the therapist starts to push, they walk away. I know this because it happened when I was a teenager. We tried therapy back then too. And the moment the therapist started holding up a mirror, my mom said, this isn't working. And we stopped going. The only thing that made her stick it out in that last year was because she knew she was dying. She knew this was the last chance. And if I'm being honest, it was really the only access I let her have to me by that point. Now, just to be clear, there are incredible therapists out there. Some of them are my friends. You know, the good ones don't let that happen so easily. The best therapists somehow manage what feels almost impossible, keeping even the most resistant person, the one who needs the work the most, coming back and staying engaged. So to those therapists and mental health professionals, truly, my hat's off to you. It's nothing short of a small miracle when you're able to do that. Back to the topic at hand. If you are feeling frustrated by someone's refusal to do the inner work, if you feel like you are on an island by yourself, please know this isn't proof that you're doing something wrong. It's proof that you are changing and you might need to move to a different island to find like-minded souls, to find your tribe to support you on this path. I promise you, there are other people out there who get it, who are walking the walk just like you are, and are just as frustrated by the people in their life who aren't. They will support you. They will say, I hear you, I see you. You're not alone in this frustration. Remember, it is always better to be striving than denying. Because really, who would you rather be? Miserable, stuck in the dark, hating the world, or doing the courageous, messy, beautiful work of learning how to live in love, how to live truly as your most authentic self. People say ignorance is bliss, but is it really? I mean, studies show the biggest predictor of a long, healthy life is the quality of our relationships. And what happens to our relationships when we live in bitterness and judgment? They fall apart. And we are tribal beings. We need connection. So those people who hold on to hate, who refuse to grow, they're not actually happy. And we're not happy either when we get caught in the trap of resistance and control. So many of us have this unconscious drive to save or teach or fix others, even in subtle ways, like wanting them to just read this book or listen to this podcast or go to this workshop that was life-changing. But that keeps us stuck in resistance because it's rooted in the idea that they have to change for us to feel okay. It's the illusion that it's ours to judge, that we somehow have the right or the responsibility or the ability to change them. This is where Mel Robbins let them idea comes in. You know, let them be who they are. Let them react how they react. Let them choose not to grow. And hey, why don't you focus on your own peace instead of their potential? Doing this isn't resignation and it's not giving up. It's radical acceptance. It's the recognition that these people are gifts exactly as they are. They're here to help you step more fully into everything you're learning. There's that old saying about what happens when you ask God for strength. He doesn't give you strength, he gives you opportunities to be strong. And you need someone to provide the resistance. You don't get stronger lifting one pound weights over and over again, right? At some point, you need a heavier weight to develop more strength. These challenging people in your life, they are the weights of the spiritual gym. So this practice, this letting them, is really about choosing presence over control. It's trusting divine timing, trusting that their soul will awaken when and if it's ready. And it's trusting yourself, your ability to discern compassion without compromise. Letting them does not mean tolerating abuse or harmful behavior. And it's not the same as enabling. You know, compassion says, I understand where you are. Enabling says, I'll stay small so you feel comfortable. Part of this journey, this process, is learning how to stay true to yourself, how to keep your heart open, even in the presence of people who make you want to revert to old patterns and shut down. To me, part of let them includes asking yourself, can I be with them exactly as they are? Can I love them exactly as they are? You don't have to do this with everyone, obviously. I mean, that guy who cut you off on the highway this morning, pretty easy to just let him be. But your friend who flies off into a rage and says deeply hurtful things, a little harder. Your parent, who refuses to take responsibility for your abusive childhood, much harder. Your spouse, who seems completely incapable of recognizing or working with their emotions, perhaps the most difficult of all. But with these people, the ones closest to you, remember this. You chose them. You opted to have them in your life. Your desire for them to be on this journey comes out of love. And the longer you're on this path, the more that love expands. Until you find yourself wanting everyone to be on the path. Not just because the world would be a better place, though it would be, but because you want every human to feel the grace, the peace, and the joy that comes from living authentically from the heart, to be healed of pain and stress and trauma, to be able to step into radical acceptance and trust that everything not only will be, but also is okay. The truth is your growth is an invitation. You never know who's watching you quietly evolve and being inspired by it. So as important as it is to let them be who they are, it's even more important to welcome and let yourself be who you're becoming. So as you move through your week, just notice where are you still trying to control someone else's growth? Maybe it's someone you love deeply, someone whose potential you can see so clearly. Maybe it's someone who's hurt you and you just want them to get it. Or maybe it's subtle, that little tug inside that says, if they would just change, things would be so much better between us. But what if the invitation is to relax first, to release the grip, to let them? So as you think about this, ask yourself, where am I still trying to control someone else's growth? And what would it feel like to simply let them be exactly as they are and stay centered in my own peace? Remember, letting them, it isn't about them at all. It's about you, reclaiming your energy, your presence, and your peace. It's about coming home to yourself again and again, no matter what anyone else chooses. I want to close with this Medicine Woman's Prayer by Cherie Bliss Tillsley. It says, I will not rescue you, for you are not powerless. I will not fix you, for you are not broken. I will not heal you, for I see you in your wholeness. I will walk with you through the darkness as you remember your light. Take a deep breath. Let them and let yourself be free. Thanks so much for listening today. If you have any questions or want to suggest a topic, please email me at Sarah at risingwithsarah.com, and that's Sarah with an H. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. And remember, know who you are, love who you've been, and be willing to do the work to become who you're meant to be. Just a quick reminder this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist, and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist, or any other qualified provider. That said, I hope it inspires you to grow, heal, and seek the support you need to thrive.