If you're someone who's always trying to better yourself, always chasing the next podcast, the next book, the next breakthrough, this episode is for you. Because while that desire to grow is beautiful, the constant pressure to improve can quietly create stress, overwhelm, and the sense that you're somehow never quite enough. Today I'm breaking down the hidden dangers of endless self-improvement and sharing the five reasons why a mentor might be the missing piece on your journey. Welcome to Roots of the Rise with me, Sarah Hope, where spiritual wisdom meets practical tools in short, bite-sized episodes. These are tasters, not deep dives, meant to spark curiosity, help you discover who you truly are, release what holds you back, and rise into your best self. Hello, welcome back. I hope your December is going well. This is truly my favorite time of year. I just love the holidays. The music, the lights, the decorations. There's an Instagram reel going around with audio saying Christmas should look like joy through up in your house. And I 100% agree. I just, I just love it. Now, you might be in the middle of holiday prep, but if you're anything like me, you're also already thinking about 2026. New year, new you. You know, even when we really want to savor the present moment, many of us are already thinking ahead, maybe trying to jump past the stress of the next few weeks, though hopefully there's an equal measure of joy. And just leave 2025 behind and get into that new beginning that 2026 offers. It's really easy to get caught up in destination addiction, you know, that feeling of constantly focusing on the future and how you want that to look instead of living in the present. And this time of year, I mean, it just invites it. December puts pressure on us from all angles. Yes, there's the new year goals, but there's also the current family expectations, the emotional patterns that come up. I mean, it's just a natural moment to start thinking about what didn't work in 2025, the patterns you'd hoped would change, the things you wish you'd done differently, and also the possibilities you desperately want to pull in for 2026. So throughout this month, we are going to dig into all of that, the questions that are actually useful to ask, how to refine what you want to shift, how to approach the new year consciously and compassionately. But today I want to do two things. One is talk about the dangers of constantly working on yourself. And then two, share why it is so important to have a mentor, the five reasons why I think mentors are essential. So let's start with the self-improvement piece. I meet a lot of people who are deeply committed to inner work, which makes sense because I am in that industry, right? My clients are the ones who have doubled down on showing up for themselves. They are the therapy doers, the self-help book readers, the course takers, the love to go on retreaters, the journalers. I mean, these are my people. And I am you. I am doing the same thing. I'm listening to the podcasts, reading the books, working with my mentors, taking endless continuing education courses. None of this is inherently bad. I think we all can agree the word world probably needs more people doing intentional inner work. However, and this is a big however, when all of this work is done without real support, without a structure for growth, when you are relying 100% on yourself to create the changes you want, it can actually create problems, including anxiety. Because underneath it all, the subconscious pattern becomes prevent disaster instead of celebrate growth. Every time you say, I'm fixing myself, you're also quietly saying, I'm a mess. Every time you say I'm evolving, you're emphasizing the gap between who you are and who you think you should be. And you've heard me talk about this before in my episode about why broken isn't bad. I still believe we need to stop shaming that word broken. Because yes, parts of you might be broken. Parts of your heart, your trust, your nervous system, your boundaries, they might be cracked or fractured. But broken never means unfixable in this context. Broken just means something needs care, something needs attending. The real trouble, though, it comes when we focus so much on the fixing part, we lose sight of what's already been repaired. And we can lose sight of the fact that often the broken parts of us broke on purpose for actually a really life-serving reason. You might be a people pleaser because that's how you stayed safe in childhood. You might put up thick walls and not really let anyone in because you were deeply hurt or betrayed by someone in the past. Think of it this way: back when there were castles and moats and you know the enemy was approaching, sometimes the people would intentionally destroy the drawbridge so that the enemy couldn't get across. Now, once the danger was past, the bridge was still broken. It had to be repaired. But the fact that it was broken in the first place, that had a purpose. We forget sometimes that we develop coping mechanisms for a very important reason. It's just we lose sight of who we were before them, and it can be tough to remember how to function without them. That's why real healing requires presence, the kind that slows you down enough to actually feel what's going on in your body, the kind that teaches you how to cultivate love that is strong enough to hold your pain so it can integrate instead of being managed or bypassed. Fixing isn't really the right word for the goal. You know, holding is, integration is. Steve Hoskinson, who founded Organic Intelligence, says trauma is an unintegrated resource. What's one of my favorite quotes? Yes, like absolutely yes. It is the integration piece. So many people are missing. Integration is that missing link between understanding, accepting the trauma, and it no longer having the power to hurt or control you. And sometimes we ourselves and our search for becoming the best version of ourselves possible, we can kind of go too far. It can become this perfectionistic self-improvement that can look exactly like anxiety. The constant scanning for what's wrong or ways to be better, the repetitive self-criticism, like I'm not good enough yet. For some people, it's even dopamine chasing, the excitement of the next hack, the next book, the next, you know, altered state on a retreat, the next moment of feeling on track, you know, the endless pursuit of the next course or whatever it is that promises big change. Instead of growing, people end up managing themselves, monitoring themselves, trying to prevent collapse rather than building actual capacity. And this is why so many people carry a fear of peace in the beginning. Because to slow down enough to be deeply present with yourself means you will bump into the broken pieces you've been out running. It can sound like if I take a break, I'll stop evolving. If I stop evolving, I'll backslide. If I backslide, I'll fall into old destructive habits. On a deeper level, if I'm not constantly improving, I'll fail or be abandoned or lose everything. But that's not truth. That's fear. Trying to protect the parts of you that never learned, they're allowed to be held instead of fixed. And that's very different from a true growth mindset, which I talked about back in episode 76, where growth is rooted in curiosity and process rather than pressure and fear. Let me tell you a story because all of this is reminding me of one of my favorite clients. Well, they're all my favorites, but anyway, this one in particular. I'll call her Anne. She's in her 30s and had a very tumultuous childhood that led to an eating disorder. When she, you know, got help with that and got that under control, the addiction shifted into alcoholism, which is incredibly common. We resolve one coping mechanism only to unconsciously create another. Anne struggled with depression and anxiety her whole life. And she tried every type of therapy, every medication, every meditation, every modality, but the issues never really resolved. They always just returned. And when we started working together, her biggest fear was that it just wasn't going to work, that our time together was going to fail, that she was throwing her money away again at something that wasn't actually going to affect lasting sustainable change. But then it started to work. Anne's anxiety diminished. She started feeling a little more centered. Her relationship with food, which, you know, was still strained, started getting easier. And her fear shifted. Now it wasn't what if this works? It was this is working. What if I slide backward? What if I lose control again? What if I'm not as healed, as fixed as I think I am right now? Which then morphed into, shouldn't I be able to do this by myself now? Is having a mentor a crutch? Does it mean I'm not working hard enough? Maybe you can relate. I know I can. As I started to finally experience joy and hope and the old destructive pattern started dissolving, I was constantly afraid that it wasn't real, that I hadn't actually gotten to the root of things. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Does that sound familiar to you at all? Here's the thing: Anne's deepest issue wasn't actually the anxiety or the depression. All of that was rooted in a third chakra, self-trust and self-esteem problem. It was a fear that nothing would ever truly work, and it was a belief that she was supposed to be able to do this completely by herself, that she was somehow failing if she relied on anyone except herself, which makes sense because up until we started working together, she didn't have anyone who she could deeply trust with her most vulnerable self. She didn't have anyone that she could fall back on. The only one she could count on was herself. And I know she's not the only one who believes this. I did too for a really long time. But having a mentor, it can change everything. The right mentor can help you create the change you've waited years for. Going it alone, that's the slow track. And how do you know that you're on it? How do you know that a mentor might be useful for you? If you are putting in a lot of work, but the patterns are still there, the snapping at loved ones, the closed-off heart, the doom scrolling, the emotional spirals, the angry outbursts, even though the next right retreat might be scheduled, the newest book is in the mail, you still find yourself coming up against the same issues in similar ways, and nothing is really changing. You feel overwhelmed, anxious. When will this work finally be over? It's exhausting, not exhilarating. My guess is you already know what you need to do. You've read the books, you've listened to the podcasts, you're here, aren't you? You've absorbed all this information. It's just somehow not clicking. It's not changing things the way you so desperately want it to. And that is when a mentor can change everything. So I want to give you the top five reasons why I think a mentor is absolutely essential. First of all, a mentor sees your blind spots. You can't change what you can't see. So much of what keeps people stuck lives in unconscious patterns. Old stories, inherited beliefs, fear-driven habits. A mentor holds up a compassionate, loving mirror so you can finally understand what's actually running the show. This is so important because awareness is the gateway to all change. You can't heal, shift, or grow without first identifying what's underneath. And sometimes we can't see just how much we're changing. We're too close. We can't see that we are in fact in fact shifting how we relate to our life. This happens with my clients all the time. People come into sessions panicked, like convinced that they are off course, only to realize they're in fact exactly on track. Or they have a situation that they think they understand, but they're so close to it, they're not seeing a bigger picture or other options. Makes me think about this other client of mine. Um, we'll call her Allison. She came rushing in because an old flame had reappeared in her life. Like right at the same time, she was questioning her marriage, wondering whether to stay or leave. And she asked me, What do I do? You know, what's the right direction? Is this the universe showing me the love I've always wanted? Is this a sign I should leave? Now, look, I never give people answers. That's not my job, but I do guide them into connection with their own deeper wisdom. And through that process, Allison realized, no, this wasn't a sign to leave. It was the divine giving her an opportunity to end her endless what-ifing about this old flame, to really let it go and fully invest in her marriage. Here we are, I think two years later, and her marriage is stronger than ever, and that old flame has not crossed her mind. Do you see how easy it would have been and it was to get confused? You know, sometimes we confuse the signs. Sometimes we miss the signs altogether. That's why we need a mentor. So the second reason is because they hold a vision for you that's bigger than your current one. They don't just see where you are now, walking in their door, tired, scared, overwhelmed. They can see where you're going, what's possible for you. They can see who you have the potential to become, and they anchor that possibility that maybe you can't feel quite yet, which provides hope, momentum, and direction. So much of what gets in people's way is that they underestimate themselves or get discouraged. I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone say, Well, I'm never going to get in another relationship again. I'm never going to be able to feel safe or happy or excited about anything ever again. And then what happens? They get there. Having someone orient you toward the next level accelerates transformation. Third reason is that they provide experienced guidance and proven tools. I mean, you could spend years trying to figure things out alone, reading all the books, listening to the right people, and yet it could still feel untenable. If you're like many of the women I've worked with, you've tried the apps, the journals, the 30-day challenges, and something's still not working. Maybe you've read Terabrock's radical acceptance, but you can't access acceptance when it really matters. Maybe you write in your gratitude journal every night, but you don't feel more grateful. Maybe you love Mel Robbins' Let Them Theory, but you can't seem to let them in practice. So you reach for the next thing because you don't have someone working with you to point you in the direction of the knowledge that would actually affect major change for you. You might not need the let them theory. You might need Robert Schwartz's Your Soul's Plan or Cindy Dale's energetic boundaries. All that effort you're putting out, it might be going in the wrong direction. Personal development is overwhelming when you're sifting through endless information. The right mentor helps you avoid wasted effort and confusion. Number four, they offer accountability without judgment. Accountability without judgment. Those two elements are essential. A good mentor is going to lovingly hold space for all the inevitable ups and downs of your journey. If you're afraid of judgment, you're not going to be as vulnerable as you need to be in order to work through what's holding you back. If I had a penny for every time someone in my office said, don't judge me, before pulling a skeleton out of their closet, I'd be quite wealthy. But I don't mind the plea for acceptance. And I internally celebrate every time I watch them struggle through sharing something they are clearly ashamed of. And most of us need accountability, especially with inner development, because often, right when we're about to make a big breakthrough, we stop. Our ego takes over and says, no, no, no, I don't know what it would be like to be that person. That's scary. I think I'll just stop right here. Obviously, that's unconscious. You know, it's our old patterns that pull us back into what feels familiar, even if it is dysfunctional. We will almost always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven. A mentor provides loving accountability and helps you stay aligned with the change you want, which is how they do number five, which is create a safe, regulated space for healing and growth. Like I said, personal development requires vulnerability. You need a container where big emotions, new truths, deeper clarity can surface without fear of being misunderstood, dismissed, or judged. I know I'm a broken record, but nervous system safety is the foundation for doing real inner work. Without safety, defenses stay high and transformation stays shallow. When you try to do all of this inner work alone, with fear, doubt, and old conditioning, unconscious beliefs, your ego, and the driver's seat, it's exhausting. You end up circling the same issues over and over, wondering why you're not moving forward. But when you do this work with support, with structure, with community, everything changes. You gain traction, you build confidence, you stop mistaking survival strategies for personal flaws. You see what you couldn't see on your own. I'm guessing you don't need more information. You don't need another course you feel guilty for nothing at finishing, another newsletter you skim and forget. What we all truly need is access to another living human being, someone who understands these patterns, someone who can hold space for your process, someone who can reflect back what's actually happening beneath the surface. That is the real gift of a mentor. They shorten the distance between where you are and where you're trying to go, they help you stop walking in circles. Stop doubting yourself. Stop carrying the whole journey alone. A good mentor doesn't just give you more information. They give you clarity, grounding, direction, and the kind of support that makes growth not just possible, but sustainable. We are not meant to do the deep work in isolation. And when you're held by someone who's been down the path before, everything shifts. These five reasons I gave you, I chose them because they represent the core components of meaningful, sustainable personal transformation. Awareness, possibility, guidance, accountability, and safety. Without any of these, growth becomes harder. With all five, it becomes exponentially more possible. So here's what I want you to ask yourself. Where in my life do I keep repeating the same patterns despite knowing better? What have I tried on my own and what keeps pulling me back into old habits? Number two, what goals, desires, or shifts feel important to me, but also feel overwhelming, unclear, or out of reach? What stops me from moving toward them consistently? And number three, if I imagined myself supported by someone who truly sees me and believes in me, what feels possible that doesn't feel possible right now? Thanks so much for listening today. If this resonated, I'd love for you to share it with someone who might need a reminder that they don't have to walk this path alone. In the next episode, I'm going to talk about what you should look for when picking a mentor, the green flags and the red ones. Until then, remember, know who you are, love who you've been, and be willing to do the work to become who you're meant to be. Just a quick reminder this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist, and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist, or any other qualified provider. That said, I hope it inspires you to grow, heal, and seek the support you need to thrive.