Today we're talking about your life. You're not recognized but you want to understand why. Welcome to Roots with the Rise. And remember who you truly are. Just consider this. Every emotion we feel is positive in its inception. Yes, every single one. Emotions are feedback. They're feedback that's here to tell you something about what you're experiencing. Anger might be there to tell you that your boundaries are being crossed. Grief might be there to tell you how much you care about something. Joy is there to point you in the direction of your most happy and blissful life. It's not the emotion that's the problem. It's what happens after it appears. Our personality, our conditioning, our past experiences, they all filter that emotion. And that filter triggers beliefs that either allow the emotion to do what it was meant to do, help us, show us something, or push us into old patterns, limiting beliefs, repeat pain, and create even more suffering. Our job is simple in theory, though not always in practice: catch the emotion before it does damage, become aware of it before we blindly react, understand what it's trying to do for us, and finally use it as a tool to help us live the life we're meant to live. But awareness is only part of the challenge, though it is a big one. I mean, Brene Brown did that research, and a ridiculous percentage of people, I can't remember exactly what it is, could only identify three emotions: glad, mad, sad. And there are way more emotions than that. I want to say she identified to something like 87. So for many people out there, simply identifying in a deep way what they're feeling is a challenge, but it's only one part of it. We also have a tendency to over-identify with our emotions. You only have to look at toddlers to see examples of this in full force. I think about my son when he was three. Every emotion felt like it completely consumed him. He couldn't distinguish himself from the feeling, whether it was something wonderful like joy or anger, they were all encompassing. You know, getting the wrong color plate was the end of the world. And at three, that was perfectly normal. That's where children are supposed to be, feeling big feelings and learning coping skills. Fast forward to adulthood, a 35-year-old having a meltdown over getting the blue mug instead of the red mug, not so acceptable. At some point, we're expected to learn how to regulate our emotions, not disappear into them. And yet, most of us were never really taught how to do that, how to experience an emotion without it becoming all-encompassing. We don't know that fine line between being an emotion and having an emotion. I know it sounds like semantics, but it really is life-changing. So here's a simple way to practice this. The next time you feel anger, anxiety, sadness, an emotion that you deem difficult or negative, just try this subtle shift in language. Instead of saying, I'm angry, say, I am experiencing anger right now. Not I'm anxious, but I am feeling anxiety right now. Take a moment and just think about that. What would it feel like to think about emotion as something that flows through you as opposed to something you become? Some languages even say, instead of saying, you know, I'm sad, they say sadness is upon me. It's referencing that it's something they're experiencing, not who they are. I know, I know it just sounds like, you know, wordplay, but it's a really important, powerful distinction. And it's a small shift. For us in English, it's just a single word, right? That difference between I am anxious versus I am feeling anxious, but it creates space between you and the feeling, which allows you to respond consciously rather than react unconsciously. Here's another important nuance to think about: feelings versus perceptions. So many of us confuse them, and this quietly sabotages our relationships, our healing, reinforces our limiting beliefs. You know, examples of perceptions disguised as feelings are things like I feel not good enough, I feel rejected, I feel confused. These aren't feelings, they're beliefs, interpretations, stories. Feelings happen in your body. Perceptions, they live in your mind. Feelings are truth in that moment, sadness, joy, anger. Perceptions create feelings, but they aren't feelings themselves. So the next time you say, I feel X, pause and ask yourself, is this a feeling in my body, or is this a story my mind is telling me? And again, simple distinction can allow you to fully feel what's real in the body and gently question the stories that might be creating suffering for you. As you think about that, can you identify your most common perceptions that are disguised as feelings? What feelings actually live beneath them? Members, there's a list of feelings for you to reference in this episode's notes in the app if you want to be able to kind of look at some emotions. Now, here's something I love from Dr. Jill Bolti Taylor. She talks about a raw emotional surge, the chemicals your body releases during anger, fear, sadness, joy, they actually only last about 90 seconds. That's it. The wave, the chemical wave, hits, peaks, and naturally subsides in about 90 seconds. Anything beyond that, that's not the emotion itself. That's your mind. Replaying arguments, rehearsing comebacks, spiraling over what happened. That's your mind feeding, fueling that chemical loop. Feelings are flashes, thoughts are the fuel. You could also think about it as a snow globe. So think of your emotions like a shaken snow globe, chaotic, swirling, messy. But if you stop shaking it and just wait, the glitter settles, the water clears, and suddenly the world looks different. It's that pause, even just a couple of minutes, that can prevent an argument from spiraling or a reaction from exploding. So when a wave of emotion hits, you can try this. You can name it, pause, recenter yourself, reground, and then respond. You don't have to act immediately. Give the storm a chance to settle. Because if you don't, you can very quickly shake the snow globe again and re-trigger the emotion even after the initial surge has passed. Rumination keeps the loop going. It fires the chemicals again and again and keeps the emotion alive far beyond its original 90-second window. So here's the takeaway: that raw chemical surge of an emotion is designed to be brief, usually under a couple minutes. Anything beyond that, that's largely under your control. Your thoughts, your stories, your mental replay decide whether the emotion fades or keeps getting chemically refreshed. This is one reason why I think it's really useful sometimes to walk away when you are in an escalated situation with someone, when you're having trouble not jumping into the anger, not in kind of fueling that frustration or resentment or whatever it is that's coming up for you. If you can't disengage from the story, walking away can give you enough time to let those chemicals, you know, fade away, to let yourself come back to center, because that's what we need. We have to pause long enough to be able to re-center, to let that chemical wave pass. That's how you break the loop. But think about your own experience. Okay, say you get angry, anger hits. Does it fade in minutes or does it linger all day? What are the variables that make that anger either perpetuate throughout the day or go away? Do you replay emotional experiences over and over in your mind? What would happen if instead of ruminating, instead of playing it over and over again, you allowed that 90-second window to pass without refueling the chemical hit? You know, it's because of this, the intensity, the surge, the feeling that sometimes seems uncontrollable, that we run into one of the most common ways we mishandle emotions, which is blocking them. This usually shows up in one of three ways. Blocking the flow of emotions simply means stopping ourselves from feeling what we feel. Escape is the easiest and the most common way this shows up today, mainly because it's so easy to do. David Hawkins defines escape as the avoidance of feelings through diversion. I mean, think about it. We pour ourselves a glass of wine, we binge watch the latest Netflix series, we can order a pile of food, we can scroll endlessly on our phones. These distractions are everywhere. And yeah, they work temporarily. Last episode, we talked about how we need relief sometimes when we're feeling too much. So I'm not saying that it doesn't occasionally have its usage because it makes us feel like we're stepping away from our feelings, like we're releasing them or not feeling them. But the catch is that that escape is imagined. The emotions are still there. They're under the surface. They are waiting to be felt. What we really want is a life we don't need to escape at all. A life where emotions flow naturally, so effortlessly, that there's no desire to tap out. A life where the life we lead feels like the vacation we've always wanted. And one note here: this is not about demonizing small pleasures, watching a show, scrolling Instagram, enjoying a snack, like none of these are inherently bad. The problem arises when it becomes unconscious and excessive, a way to numb your pain rather than feel it. So learning to distinguish enjoyment from avoidance is a necessary step. Freud said, unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways. Suppression is when we consciously push away what we feel. Repression is when we do so unconsciously. So even when we stuff emotions away, pretending they don't exist, they still do, quietly shaping our lives. Think of it like a forgotten sandwich shoved to the back of your destroyer at work. The mold grows, then it gets stinky. Whether you see it or not, you're not sure what's making the stench, but it's definitely there. That is the pressure of denied feelings. It comes out in countless ways: irritability, physical pain, insomnia, GI issues, depression. I mean, the list goes on. And the hardest truth is that what we resist persists, even if we hide our pain for years. It is always there, influencing how we interact with the world, whether we want to admit it or not. With Escape, there's a surface level reward at least. You know, we get to watch the show, eat the food, scroll Instagram. With suppression, the reward is simply we don't have to feel. You know, Hawkins says we have become afraid of our inner feelings because they hold such a massive amount of negativity that we fear we would be overwhelmed by it if we were to take a deeper look. Oh, that one gets me every time because it's it's my felt experience that I know that one intimately. I avoided feeling my feelings because it felt like I would just absolutely drown in them if I ever acknowledged the depth of the hurt and the pain. Anyone else sound familiar? Most people only allow a tiny sliver of a feeling to be expressed, and then they think it's done, or they suppress the rest. Take Retha, for example. We lose a loved one, we hold back the tears in public, limit our mourning to the few days allowed by our work's bereavement policy, and then we put on a brave face and move back to quote unquote normal life. But the depth of that sadness is still there. That initial expression, it isn't enough. Without full release, we often slip back into suppression or escape. And you know, where attention goes, energy flows. Expressing an emotion without awareness can sometimes give it more energy, letting it spiral bigger than it started. Has that ever happened where you begin to express something like you get angry over something little, and then all of a sudden you are like full out screaming. And it's almost like you're watching yourself and saying, gosh, where did this come from? This is not that big a deal. And it's like you recognize it from a witness standpoint, but internally it's like this depth of anger that you didn't even know you had. You know, that's expressing an emotion without awareness. That's suppressed emotion bubbling up. So let's not forget that emotions are the greatest captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it. That's actually the end go. So this is why we want to expand our emotional vocabulary. Members, make sure you check out that list of feelings. Which ones do you immediately recognize? Which ones have you not thought about, but evoke a response in you? Before I let you go, I want to give you just a couple tools you can use in the moment if you feel yourself escalating. So the first one is grounding with the senses. So this is a really common technique used in like trauma response, et cetera. When emotions feel like they're spiraling, anchor yourself in the present by using the 54321 technique. Five things you can see, four things you can touch or feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. It really helps ground you and take you out of the overthinking. And then the last one, which is really, I think, the most important. This is really what you want to do if you start spiraling in the moment. First of all, name it. I am feeling anger right now. I am experiencing anxiety right now. Pause and allow it without judgment. Just notice where it lives in your body and how it shifts as you breathe. And then, really important, ask yourself, what am I believing here? Often the emotion is fueled not just by the raw feeling, but by a story we're telling ourselves, a perception, not necessarily a fact. And this also gives you a chance if you're able to step into, okay, oh, what am I believing? This is what I'm believing. If it's a relational situation, it gives you the opportunity to check your perception with the other person. Example of this, uh, you know, once my husband asked if I'd paid a bill, and it really triggered me. Like I instantly jumped into this belief that he thought I wasn't responsible, and that's why he was questioning me. But when I voiced that belief, you know, I said, I'm feeling angry because I'm thinking that you don't trust me. He clarified immediately. I was like, no, no, no, not at all. I just I have time to do it later if you haven't done it yet. So just opening the dialogue, separating that belief from fact, completely diffused the emotion and prevent an escalation. So this practice, naming the feeling, pausing, allowing it, and questioning your beliefs, it helps you step out of being swept away by the emotion, gives your nervous system space to settle, and opens the door to clarity and healthier communication. Yeah, emotional regulation, it's not like a soft skill. It is crime prevention, it's addiction prevention, it's generational healing. It's how we stop raising adults who explode, implode, or shut down at the first sign of emotional discomfort. Emotional education, it builds a society where conflict does not equal violence, where accountability isn't threatening, and where relationships can survive disagreements. So give it a go this week. Try listening to your emotions as feedback. Catch them early. Notice if you're over-identifying, differentiate your feelings from perceptions. Pause, breathe, and allow them and listen to what they're trying to tell you. Thanks so much for listening today. If someone came to mind as you heard this episode, please share it with them. In the episode, I mentioned materials for members. If you are curious what that means, I offer a membership that includes show notes, reflective prompts, guided meditations, and other resources to help you integrate the episode on a deeper, more embodied level. You can learn more at risingwithsara.com or through the link in the show notes. I hope you have a wonderful week and remember, know who you are, love who you've been, and be willing to do the work to become who you are then. I am not a licensed therapist, and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist, or any other qualified provider. That said, I hope it inspires you to grow, heal, and seek the support you need to thrive.