Speaker 1: 0:13

Hello and welcome to Roots of the Rise with me, sarah Hope. Today I'm going to share some thoughts from a conversation I recently had with one of my friends about keeping all the balls up in the air without letting the important ones drop. So let's get into it. I recently had a wonderful conversation with one of my best friends, the one I only see once a month, but inevitably seeing her is a highlight. See once a month, but inevitably seeing her is a highlight, because while we, of course, talk about you know, the husbands, the kids, blah, blah, blah what we tend to focus on is the big stuff. You know, the things we're currently really struggling with or the recent joys that are carrying us through our days. So this time we talked a lot about balance, and you know how hard it is to keep all the plates spinning the balls, juggling the cards from falling. You know, however you want to think of it, you know how hard it is to be good at everything and how absolutely impossible it is to be good at everything and to keep everything up in the air. But that's kind of the expectation, right? So I'm going to speak from my own experience and from what I hear over and over again with my clients and my friends.

Speaker 1: 1:33

You know, there is this expectation that I make sure the house stays immaculate, the meals are nutritious and hopefully edible, the laundry's done, you know, all the appointments are made for me, for the kid, the animals, my career stays afloat, the family birthdays are remembered, the fun is planned, the marriage stays healthy, you know, oh, and let's not forget about personally staying in shape and sane and oh, friendships like, don't forget about those. There's a lot, right, there's a lot that we have to manage on a day-to-day basis. And let me be clear the expectation that I'm talking about no one's putting that on me that's the expectation that I have of myself. And sure, we can get into the nuances of how society has led women to believe that they have to do all these things, and you know, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Fine, but you know what, if we are aware and conscious enough to recognize that, yes, there are these societal influences, you know, at the end of the day we also have to admit that we're the ones who buy into it. We're the ones who step in to that expectation and say, yes, I'm going to expect that of myself. You know, I'm going to step into believing that there is this self-imposed long list of responsibilities that I must do perfectly all the time. And that's where I was at when my son was born and for the first two years of his life. It was just this incredible pressure to keep doing things at the same level, in the same way that I had done them before. But the truth is that that's like absolutely impossible. It's impossible without kids, right? But then you add kids into the mix and it's even worse. It's impossible to do everything perfectly all the time, even if all you're doing is focusing on one subset like career. Put them all together and it's completely unrealistic. You can't have that many quote unquote priorities, like something will give.

Speaker 1: 3:46

Brene Brown used this analogy that I really like. She said if you can imagine that all of your responsibilities, and joys for that matter, are balls that you're juggling, you have to figure out what type of ball it is Meaning. Some are rubber, some are plastic, some are glass. Some balls you can drop and they bounce right back up. No big deal. Some balls you drop and they bounce. They don't break, but they also don't rebound quite as easily. And some are glass the moment you drop them they shatter.

Speaker 1: 4:23

If we think about everything in our life this way, we can then start to prioritize a little more easily. If your marriage is rocky, if things aren't so great, if you're struggling to get back the romance or the trust or whatever it is, that's a glass ball. Your marriage needs to be a priority. But maybe your career is rock steady. You've been doing it for 20 years. You know what to expect. You know what's expected of you. That's a rubber ball. You can do that kind of on autopilot and not stress about it. Maybe a plastic ball is your relationship with certain friends. It needs a certain level of care, but has some resiliency. You know. The important thing is that we not only take an initial stock of which things are which, but that we also periodically check in to see how they're doing. Some relationships go from being rubber to glass solely due to inattention. We think the kids are doing fine, but have we actually checked in to ask and make sure? Maybe there's something going on we aren't aware of. What are the warning signs of something beginning to tank? So here's my recommendation for today First, make a list of your top 10 priorities.

Speaker 1: 5:33

Quote, unquote Meaning what are the 10 balls? You feel like you are juggling right now on a daily basis, and write them down. If you only have five, great Don't like, search for them, but I do want the list to be complete, which is why I said 10. All right, next, organize them, actually prioritize them what is most important to you, and rewrite the list in this order. You might get hung up disorder. You might get hung up, especially when it comes to, for instance, husband or wife and children. Which goes first? Which one do you prioritize first? Think about it. Which one do you want to prioritize first? This is an individual decision. People make different choices. I just want you to make one and not put them on the same line. Okay. Next step Next to each item, write if it's a glass, plastic or rubber ball.

Speaker 1: 6:34

The idea is to check in and see how resilient is this part of my life. Are things going to really be a problem if I drop this ball right now? So just have that awareness Again. Don't take too long, don't like overanalyze, just whatever comes to you. First put that down, okay. And then finally, next to each item, write on a scale of one to 10 how much time or energy you're actually spending on the item, with one being hardly at all and 10 being a lot of time.

Speaker 1: 7:08

Now compare when you look at the first thing on your list, your number one priority, check what kind of ball it is and then see are you putting in enough time for that type of ball? Generally speaking, your glass balls, you want to have somewhere between seven and 10 energy time effort. The plastic ones are going to be somewhere in the middle, you know four to seven, and the rubber balls probably one to three, something in those lower ranges. This isn't exact. This is not rocket science. Do what feels right for you, okay.

Speaker 1: 7:46

So let's do an example. So say your number one priority is your marriage. You've noted that it's a rubber ball. It's rock steady, solid, and you put a number two effort next to it. Well, all of that's probably okay, it's super important to you, but it's also solid. You might not have to invest a lot of energy right now, okay, but let's say that instead. All right, your number one priority is your marriage. Still, but let's say it's glass. Say that there's been an infidelity that you're trying to work through, but you note that you're only putting a level two effort in. Well, you've got a problem. If something is at a level 10 priority is extremely fragile and you're only putting an effort two in. Well, how is that going to work? How is that going to succeed? Are you really treating it like the priority you say it is?

Speaker 1: 8:49

This exercise is about awareness. I personally find it to be really helpful because when I get overwhelmed, when all of that you know, recovering perfectionism begins to rear its head, when I start getting overwhelmed, when I feel like I'm just messing up all over the place and not doing a good job at anything, I look at my list and I realize, no, I'm putting a lot of time and energy into my son because he's my number one priority and he's rock solid, he's good, he's got as good a life as I can provide for him. But I'm going to keep on putting that high level of effort in because he's young and he needs that kind of energy. And if my work is sliding because of it, if I'm not seeing as many clients or I don't get my newsletter out on time, I'm okay with it because it's lower down on the list. It's not as important to me as my kid or my marriage. It helps keep things in perspective. And friendships well, those are ones that you know if I do a self check and I realize, ugh, I haven't talked to that person, you know, in a long time. Well, I can remedy that. I can send a text and say, hey, it's been too long, and I can reconnect with that person. That's why doing a check-in with the list is so important, because it helps you keep your priorities top of mind and course correct when necessary.

Speaker 1: 10:10

So play with this and please let me know how it goes. You can email me at rootsoftherise at gmailcom. If you liked today's episode, please hit follow or subscribe so you don't miss tomorrow's. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day and remember, know who you are, love who you've been and be willing to do the work to become who you want to be. Just a quick reminder this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist or any other qualified provider. That said, I hope it inspires you to grow, heal and seek the support you need to thrive.