Welcome to Roots of the Rise

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Hello and welcome to Roots of the Rise with me , sarah Hope . Today I'm going to share some thoughts from a conversation I recently had with one of my friends about keeping all the balls up in the air without letting the important ones drop . So let's get into

Balance and juggling life's responsibilities

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it . I recently had a wonderful conversation with one of my best friends , the one I only see once a month , but inevitably seeing her is a highlight . See once a month , but inevitably seeing her is a highlight , because while we , of course , talk about you know , the husbands , the kids , blah , blah , blah what we tend to focus on is the big stuff . You know , the things we're currently really struggling with or the recent joys that are carrying us through our days . So this time we talked a lot about balance , and you know how hard it is to keep all the plates spinning the balls , juggling the cards from falling . You know , however you want to think of it , you know how hard it is to be good at everything and how absolutely impossible it is to be good at everything and to keep everything up in the air . But that's kind of the expectation , right ? So I'm going to speak from my own experience and from what I hear over and over again with my clients and my friends .

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You know , there is this expectation that I make sure the house stays immaculate , the meals are nutritious and hopefully edible , the laundry's done , you know , all the appointments are made for me , for the kid , the animals , my career stays afloat , the family birthdays are remembered , the fun is planned , the marriage stays healthy , you know , oh , and let's not forget about personally staying in shape and sane and oh , friendships like , don't forget about those . There's a lot , right , there's a lot that we have to manage on a day-to-day basis . And let me be clear the expectation that I'm talking about no one's putting that on me that's the expectation that I have of myself . And sure , we can get into the nuances of how society has led women to believe that they have to do all these things , and you know , et cetera , et cetera , et cetera . Fine , but you know what , if we are aware and conscious enough to recognize that , yes , there are these societal influences , you know , at the end of the day we also have to admit that we're the ones who buy into it . We're the ones who step in to that expectation and say , yes , I'm going to expect that of myself . You know , I'm going to step into believing that there is this self-imposed long list of responsibilities that I must do perfectly

Glass, plastic, and rubber balls

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all the time . And that's where I was at when my son was born and for the first two years of his life . It was just this incredible pressure to keep doing things at the same level , in the same way that I had done them before . But the truth is that that's like absolutely impossible . It's impossible without kids , right ? But then you add kids into the mix and it's even worse . It's impossible to do everything perfectly all the time , even if all you're doing is focusing on one subset like career . Put them all together and it's completely unrealistic . You can't have that many quote unquote priorities , like something will give .

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Brene Brown used this analogy that I really like . She said if you can imagine that all of your responsibilities , and joys for that matter , are balls that you're juggling , you have to figure out what type of ball it is Meaning . Some are rubber , some are plastic , some are glass . Some balls you can drop and they bounce right back up . No big deal . Some balls you drop and they bounce . They don't break , but they also don't rebound quite as easily . And some are glass the moment you drop them they shatter .

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If we think about everything in our life this way , we can then start to prioritize a little more easily . If your marriage is rocky , if things aren't so great , if you're struggling to get back the romance or the trust or whatever it is , that's a glass ball . Your marriage needs to be a priority . But maybe your career is rock steady . You've been doing it for 20 years . You know what to expect . You know what's expected of you . That's a rubber ball . You can do that kind of on autopilot and not stress about it . Maybe a plastic ball is your relationship with certain friends . It needs a certain level of care , but has some resiliency

The priority-checking exercise

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. You know . The important thing is that we not only take an initial stock of which things are which , but that we also periodically check in to see how they're doing . Some relationships go from being rubber to glass solely due to inattention . We think the kids are doing fine , but have we actually checked in to ask and make sure ? Maybe there's something going on we aren't aware of . What are the warning signs of something beginning to tank ? So here's my recommendation for today First , make a list of your top 10 priorities .

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Quote , unquote Meaning what are the 10 balls ? You feel like you are juggling right now on a daily basis , and write them down . If you only have five , great Don't like , search for them , but I do want the list to be complete , which is why I said 10 . All right , next , organize them , actually prioritize them what is most important to you , and rewrite the list in this order . You might get hung up disorder . You might get hung up , especially when it comes to , for instance , husband or wife and children . Which goes first ? Which one do you prioritize first ? Think about it . Which one do you want to prioritize first ? This is an individual decision . People make different choices . I just want you to make one and not put them on the same line . Okay . Next step Next to each item , write if it's a glass , plastic or rubber ball .

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The idea is to check in and see how resilient is this part of my life . Are things going to really be a problem if I drop this ball right now ? So just have that awareness Again . Don't take too long , don't like overanalyze , just whatever comes to you . First put that down , okay . And then finally , next to each item , write on a scale of one to 10 how much time or energy you're actually spending on the item , with one being hardly at all and 10 being a lot of time .

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Now compare when you look at the first thing on your list , your number one priority , check what kind of ball it is and then see are you putting in enough time for that type of ball ? Generally speaking , your glass balls , you want to have somewhere between seven and 10 energy time effort . The plastic ones are going to be somewhere in the middle , you know four to seven , and the rubber balls probably one to three , something in those lower ranges . This isn't exact . This is not rocket science . Do what feels right for you , okay .

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So let's do an example . So say your number one priority is your marriage . You've noted that it's a rubber ball . It's rock steady , solid , and you put a number two effort next to it . Well , all of that's probably okay , it's super important to you , but it's also solid . You might not have to invest a lot of energy right now , okay , but let's say that instead . All right , your number one priority is your marriage . Still , but let's say it's glass . Say that there's been an infidelity that you're trying to work through , but you note that you're only putting a level two effort in . Well , you've got a problem . If something is at a level 10 priority

Keeping perspective and course correction

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is extremely fragile and you're only putting an effort two in . Well , how is that going to work ? How is that going to succeed ? Are you really treating it like the priority you say it is ?

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This exercise is about awareness . I personally find it to be really helpful because when I get overwhelmed , when all of that you know , recovering perfectionism begins to rear its head , when I start getting overwhelmed , when I feel like I'm just messing up all over the place and not doing a good job at anything , I look at my list and I realize , no , I'm putting a lot of time and energy into my son because he's my number one priority and he's rock solid , he's good , he's got as good a life as I can provide for him . But I'm going to keep on putting that high level of effort in because he's young and he needs that kind of energy . And if my work is sliding because of it , if I'm not seeing as many clients or I don't get my newsletter out on time , I'm okay with it because it's lower down on the list . It's not as important to me as my kid or my marriage . It helps keep things in perspective . And friendships well , those are ones that you know if I do a self check and I realize , ugh , I haven't talked to that person , you know , in a long time . Well , I can remedy that . I can send a text and say , hey , it's been too long , and I can reconnect with that person . That's why doing a check-in with the list is so important , because it helps you keep your priorities top of mind and course correct when necessary .

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So play with this and please let me know how it goes . You can email me at rootsoftherise at gmailcom . If you liked today's episode , please hit follow or subscribe so you don't miss tomorrow's

Closing thoughts and disclaimer

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. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day and remember , know who you are , love who you've been and be willing to do the work to become who you want to be . Just a quick reminder this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only . I am not a licensed therapist and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician , therapist or any other qualified provider . That said , I hope it inspires you to grow , heal and seek the support you need to thrive .