Roots of the Rise
Grounded wisdom for the journey inward and upward.
Roots of the Rise is a soul-centered podcast hosted by Sarah Hope—Ayurvedic health practitioner, spiritual mentor, meditation teacher, biodynamic craniosacral therapist, and energy healer. Drawing from thousands of hours of client work, group facilitation, and her own journey through childhood trauma, grief, and the profound rediscovery of love and joy, Sarah offers a grounded, heart-led space for inner transformation.
Short episodes (10–20 minutes) released on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, offer bite-sized insights, ideas, and practices for inner growth and self-development. Whether you're seasoned on the path or just beginning to explore, this podcast gives you digestible nuggets to stay inspired—without overwhelm. It’s perfect for those who want to stay engaged in the work, curious newcomers feeling overloaded by long-form content, or anyone wanting to understand a loved one's journey from a broader, more accessible perspective.
Sarah’s intention is to expose you to a wide range of spiritual concepts, therapeutic tools, philosophies, and practices—all in service of helping you become the healthiest, happiest, most authentic version of yourself. The journey can be hard. It can feel lonely. But you’re not alone. Come walk this path with her—learning, healing, and rising, one grounded step at a time.
NOTE: This podcast will be on break for July- make sure to follow so you don't miss the return in August!
This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. Sarah is not a licensed therapist, and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist, or any other qualified provider. That said, she hopes it inspires you to grow, heal and seek the support you need to thrive.
Roots of the Rise
Episode 72 - When Your Parent’s Best Wasn’t Enough: The Myth of Always Giving 100%
Our energy is limited and distributed across different responsibilities, affecting how we show up for ourselves and others. I explore how understanding someone's full capacity might change how we view their efforts, especially when examining our parents' choices through a more compassionate lens.
• The "energy percentage" metaphor explains how we allocate our finite resources across work, family, and self-care
• Most of us function with our energy spread thin across multiple areas (20% work, 30% kid, 10% marriage, etc.)
• When life becomes unbalanced, certain areas demand more energy, leaving little for other responsibilities
• The way we judge our parents may not account for their limited capacity and different generational context
• Just because someone only gives you 20% doesn't mean they don't care—it might be their full capacity
• Partnership means being aware of each other's battery percentage and adjusting with love
• Compassion for others begins with understanding that most people are doing their best with what they have
• Forgiving doesn't mean excusing harm, but recognizing human limitations
Related Episodes:
Episode 30 - Are you prioritizing your priorities?
Welcome back to Roots of the Rise with me, sarah Hope. We ended last week talking about Father's Day and the complex emotions it can bring up. Today, I want to expand on that conversation because this time of year also gets me thinking about what it really means to do your best and the stories we tell ourselves, not just about fathers and men, but about effort, capacity and what doing your best actually looks like. Even though I'm going to be highlighting men at the beginning of this episode, don't check out just yet if you don't really have any like father figure or male related problems. Well, what brought me to this topic was thinking about Father's Day and how much hate men are getting recently. The meat of this conversation is actually about what it means to do your best. You can easily insert mother or spouse or friend, depending on your situation, so hang in, even if this first part doesn't feel super applicable Right now.
Speaker 1:We're pretty down on men in this country. There's a lot of talk about toxic masculinity, about what men are doing wrong, how they are the root of so many problems and sure, let's be clear misogyny and sexism exist. This is a real problem, but not all men are abusive, checked out or toxic. A client of mine recently told me she was just done with men. She said like essentially they are all pigs. Every guy I've ever dated has treated me poorly. My friend's husbands are cheaters, liars, abusive. You found a unicorn with your husband and I get it. That's been her experience. And men like that do exist and they do inflict incredible pain and suffering and damage on others. But my experience has been different on others, but my experience has been different. Most of the husbands and fathers I know they are good, solid men doing their best to provide for their families, teach their children well and love their partners. What I want to focus on today is that phrase doing their best because I know that can feel like a cop out when you've been hurt and I've had to wrestle with that myself. My biological parents their best meant giving me away. My adopted dad's best meant being mostly absent, turning a blind eye to my mother's emotional abuse, gaslighting me into thinking I was the unstable one, not her. My mom wasn't much better. Her best was very conditional love and extreme emotional instability. So I get it. Sometimes someone's best doesn't feel like it was enough. But I want you to consider this what if what felt to you like barely any effort at all was actually the most effort they could possibly give. What if their 40% effort was actually their? 100% when it came to you, because that's all they had left. Percent when it came to you because that's all they had left.
Speaker 1:Let me explain this with the energy percentage metaphor I like to use. Imagine that you have a hundred units of energy on any given day and that energy needs to be allocated to the different aspects of life we all have to deal with. I'm going to give you an example from my life, just so you can see how things kind of pan out for me. When things are pretty good, what percentage goes where? When I'm feeling pretty balanced, work is pretty smooth, it's running well, but I'm also planning a bunch of upcoming retreats, my courses for the fall. So I'd say I'm putting about 20% of my overall energy into work. My marriage rock steady, I feel loved, supported in true partnership. We're on the same page. So, even though of course, I'm putting some energy in, it's not a ton because it's kind of running on autopilot right now. So I'd say 10%.
Speaker 1:My kid is young, so while he is wonderful and brings so much joy, it's also exhausting. You know, setting up play dates, running him around to activities, all of that. So we're going to give him about 30%. Running the house, so that's like bills, groceries, cleaning, appointments, even listing all of it. I'm thinking about my to-do list and like yeah, it's a lot. So I'm going to give that 20%. Friends and family, because I need playdates too and I want to keep in touch with the people that matter. It's probably about 10% for that and that means I have about 10% left over for the rest of self-care meaning exercise, meditation, journaling, like the rest of self-care meaning exercise, meditation, journaling, the me time. So that all adds up to 100%. Work 20%. Marriage 10%. Kid 30%. Household administration 20%. Friends and family 10%. Self-care 10%. Okay, so that's my breakdown right now, because I'm feeling pretty balanced and good.
Speaker 1:But what if life isn't balanced? Like I said, right now things are pretty good, so that I've got a good percentage breakdown, but sometimes they're not. If work wasn't going well, if I was super stressed trying to get something brand new off the ground, like if I go back to February trying to start this podcast, well, maybe work needs like 40% of my energy every day. What if my marriage was a mess? If I was really struggling if we weren't connecting. If I wanted to actually fix it you know, make the marriage back to a place where I was comfortable and happy well then I'd probably need to be putting in more like 40 or 50% of my energy every day. And I'm not just talking about actions, I'm also talking about the kind of mental, emotional toll, the stress, the amount of energy that simply the stress of the marriage not being in a good place would create.
Speaker 1:What if I was one of those people who gets really stressed out by politics? Well goodness, I can't even imagine how much energy I might be expending on stressing about that. But I still have, you know, my son. So, gosh, he goes down to like 10 or 20% because that's all that's left. But wait a minute, what about all the household stuff? I still need to do that, keeping up with friends, the me time Well, that's like non-existent in this scenario. I don't have the energy for it. And what do we know about not taking care of ourselves, not getting the sleep, not getting the alone time, the time for our friends and our hobbies? We didn't even talk about financial stability in this. What if that's part of the work? Stress, wondering, well, how am I going to even pay for all of the activities my kid wants to do? Can I make that next credit card payment? But there's nothing left for all of that If all I take care of is work and marriage and a little bit left over for the kid, because that's all I've got in my percentages.
Speaker 1:Well then, what happens when your demands exceed your capacity? How do you show up? What kind of person are you when you're at a 20% battery and your kid wants to play, when your partner needs something from you, when your boss is breathing down your neck, probably not showing up as your best self, right? So what if that's where your dad was while you were growing up? Or your mom? What if that's where your spouse is right now? What if they are only giving you 20 or even 10% of their energy, because that is all they have? I am not excusing abuse, never but I am asking what if their 20% they were putting into you really was their 100% effort? What if they were giving every last morsel of their battery percentage to being the best parent they could be with what they had? What if they were battling their own inner demons, their own crippling anxiety or pain, which we all know can be exhausting, and they only had that 10 or 20% left for you. I mean goodness, I consider myself to be a really good parent. I'm not perfect no one is but in the scenario I just laid out, where I'm feeling pretty balanced, my son's only getting 30% of my daily energy. So what's realistic?
Speaker 1:There's a quote I saw recently that said as a daughter, I forgive you, but as a parent I could never understand. And, man, I feel that you look at your child and you cannot even put into words how much you love this little person and you think there is no way I could ever do to them what was done to me. And maybe you couldn't, maybe you wouldn't. But here's why You're not your parents and you've done the work. You have healed in ways they didn't or maybe couldn't. You've learned how to name your triggers, how to self-regulate, how to ask for help, how to show up differently. That quote is powerful because it's emotionally true, but it also risks holding our parents to a standard that they might not have had the capacity to meet.
Speaker 1:If I'm being really honest, I would be a completely different parent if I had had my son, even two years before I did, I would not have had the capacity to be as good a parent as I am now, because I hadn't done all the work that I did in those two years, let alone the 10, 15 years prior. And this is not about excusing anything your parents did either. They might've caused real harm, but you right now are seeing the whole thing through a completely different lens. You're not them. You've made different choices. If you're listening to this episode, it's because you're someone who is trying, someone who has struggled and strived to be better, who's still working to become the most conscious, grounded, loving version of yourself that you can be. So, of course, it's hard to understand how your parents could act the way they did, because you're not carrying what they were carrying.
Speaker 1:Our society has changed so much since our parents were doing the work that we are doing now. Mental health is acknowledged, there is support everywhere. I'm not saying it's accessible to everyone, because I know it's not, unfortunately, but at least it's not taboo. The way it was back then, like it or not. The rules were different, society was different, the economy was different. We can't judge them to the same degree or to the same standards, rather that we judge ourselves, because it's a completely different scenario with totally different variables.
Speaker 1:Not only are you not functioning at the same battery percentage as your parents were, you're not even in the same game, and that's where compassion and boundaries can coexist. When we recognize this, that's when we can begin to reconcile the difference between what we needed and what they had to give, and maybe what they still have to give. My parents are no longer alive for me to try to sort this out with them, but maybe yours are. Maybe yours are still hurting you, maybe you are still coming up against them not showing up for you the way that you wish they would, and that is so painful. It's so hard to desperately want your parent to be there for you in the way that you want them to be. But please recognize that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and potentially, their simple incapacity to do the work that you've done, their inability to move forward, to change, to be better. They might not have the tools that you've developed. You've changed, but maybe they haven't and maybe they won't, but I'm willing to bet that most of them did do the best that they were capable of.
Speaker 1:There's a country song by Luke Combs, called Front Door Famous, and it hits me in the gut every time the chorus goes Soon. As I get home seems like I'm gone again. Walking out the driveway I see his face pressed against the screen door, teddy bear in a juice pack saying Daddy, please come back. It tears me up every time and I can't wait till I'm walking through the front door hearing Daddy at the top of his lungs, feet on the wood floor, running up to give me a hug. Yeah, that's what it's all for. And I think how many dads out there are front door famous, even if they're not like Luke Combs kind of famous? Maybe they can't get to every recital or bedtime story because they are working so hard just to keep the lights on. Maybe they're not the most supportive partner doing everything all the time that their spouse wishes they would, because they just don't have the energy. Maybe they don't always say the right thing or do the right thing, but they keep showing up.
Speaker 1:My own adopted dad. He worked two hours away for like the first decade or so of my life. He left early, got home late, but he always kissed me on the forehead before he left and when he got back, even if I was asleep, which I was most of the time. The smell of coffee is one of my clearest memories of him might be part of my coffee addiction. He made a choice. He made a choice to work that far away, to be gone that much, and frankly I'm willing to bet it had at least a little bit to do with my mother and I can't really blame him. I mean, I could, I could resent it, I could be angry, but I choose to believe he was doing the best he could, and I really do think most dads are, most moms are, most of us are.
Speaker 1:So what I want you to think about is what your energy breakdown looks like right now. Are you stretched too thin? Are you paying attention to the right things? If you're not sure, go back to your priorities list from episode 30. Revisit what really matters. Check in on where your energy is going it might explain a lot and also think about it in relationship to the people in your life. Are you expecting others your partner, your parent to give more than they actually have in the tank?
Speaker 1:Brene Brown talks about how marriage is never truly 50-50. She and her husband check in with each other and ask how much do you have today? Where are you at If one of them says 60 and the other says 20%? Well then they figure out together how to make up that missing 20. So no one ends up completely depleted. Maybe that means ordering takeout or skipping the party or reworking the to-do list. My husband and I do this too. We normally split bedtime he does the bath, I do books. But some nights one of us takes it all so the other can catch their breath if they're feeling super stressed, or finish up a podcast episode or a presentation for work.
Speaker 1:Partnership doesn't mean everything is split evenly. It means being aware of each other's battery percentage and adjusting with love and care. And if you can do that now, if you can do that in your current relationship, if you can recognize it in yourself, if you can look at yourself and realize, yeah, man, some days when I am super stressed, when I'm worried about paying that bill, when I had a really kind of difficult conversation with my boss and then I came home and my spouse lit into me about some ball I dropped on their to-do list and then my kid looks at me and wants something from me. Well, how do I show up? Am I the best parent? Do I respond with patience and with understanding or do I snap?
Speaker 1:If I have a day where I am facing you know my hard stuff, where I've just had a therapy session that brought up a whole bunch from my childhood and I'm feeling sad and overwhelmed and full of the pain I had when I was a kid, and then I walk in the door and my kid is having a whiny day. Well, how do you respond? Maybe you respond with more care and compassion, because you were just reminded of how difficult it is when that's not what you're greeted with. But maybe you don't have it. Maybe you respond by snapping or by wanting to zone out, numb out and doom scroll. Are you doing the best you can In that moment? You might be, and we've got to learn how to offer some compassion to ourselves, which may then allow you to look back at your own childhood and offer some compassion and understanding to your parents, even if they didn't give you everything you needed.
Speaker 1:That is all for today. If you have questions or something came up for you while listening, click the message me button if you're listening on Spotify, or feel free to email me at rootsoftherise at gmailcom. I love hearing from you and if you found this helpful, hit, follow or subscribe or leave a review. I really appreciate your support. I'll be back on Wednesday. Until then, remember, know who you are, love who you've been and be willing to do the work to become who you want to be. Just a quick reminder this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist or any other qualified provider. That said, I hope it inspires you to grow, heal and seek the support you need to thrive.
