Speaker 1: 0:13

Hello and welcome to Roots of the Rise with me, sarah Hope. Self-care is something you hear about all the time, so today we're going to talk about some basics as the start of a six-part series on it, to be continued next week when we'll get into greater detail. So let's get started. About three years ago, I hit my current version of rock bottom, which, at this point in life, looks like me not meditating, not exercising and therefore not being emotionally stable. Every day would go by and I'd realize as I went to go to sleep I didn't meditate again today, or I'd look over to where my yoga mat and weights were set up but could not muster the energy to actually get on the mat. And at least once a day I would snap at either my husband or my toddler, not meaning to immediately feeling badly about it and apologizing, but just not being able to stop myself. What absolutely brought me to an about face was when my son looked at me one night and said Mama's sad, don't worry, mama, I'll make you happy. Looked at me one night and said mama's sad, don't worry, mama, I'll make you happy. Cue immediate alarm bells and a devastating gut punch. I spent my entire childhood being responsible for my mother's emotional wellbeing. I have notes that I slipped under her bedroom door in like big, sloppy crayon block letters saying I sorry, don't be sad, I'll be a good girl. Block letters saying I sorry, don't be sad, I'll be a good girl. You know all this to say. I really mean it when I say that I am highly sensitive to my son feeling like it's his job to make me smile. No child should ever be responsible for their parents' emotions, and this situation, this moment of realizing my child was taking responsibility for my emotions, was a direct result of me not taking care of myself.

Speaker 1: 2:10

Self-care has been defined as a multi-dimensional, multi-faceted process of purposeful engagement in strategies that promote healthy functioning and enhance well-being, but we all know it far better as simply the things we do to make us better people, so that we aren't jerks. The things we do so that we can show up as the best version of ourselves possible. My son telling me that he would take care of my happiness was the wake-up call. I needed to drop everything and make some changes, which I did. It was actually relatively easy to get back into what I consider the most important aspect of my own personal self-care routine, and since that point I've meditated every single day.

Speaker 1: 2:54

But let's be honest self-care may be incredibly important, it's also incredibly difficult to keep up with, especially when we're getting pulled in a million different directions and I don't think I know of anyone these days who isn't Whether it's parenthood, a demanding job, family obligations or simply that your mental health is in a state that makes taking care of yourself really hard. It's not easy, and one of the biggest obstacles all of us face is that typically, you don't think about self-care when things are going well. It only comes up when you start to struggle, and what most fail to realize is that we actually need to front load self-care. Self-care isn't about doing it when your knees are hitting the floor because that's a little too late, are hitting the floor because that's a little too late. Self-care is about a sustainable, constant love for oneself, which gives you the ability to create a structure of supportive tools, techniques, practices, habits that provide you with a deep reserve, so that your knees don't hit the floor in the first place or, when they do, it's only for the briefest of times and you don't spiral into truly destructive behaviors. Did any of you have a moment of thinking like, wait, this is rock bottom for her being snippy with her family. Yeah, it is Now. It didn't used to be.

Speaker 1: 4:20

If we want to go down memory lane and talk about all the extremely self-destructive and sabotaging things I did, even as short as a decade ago, I can't Because, trust me, rock bottom looked a lot uglier back then. I lied, I cheated, I was careless with other people's hearts, I was selfish. I did and said many things I'm not proud of back then. Many things I'm not proud of back then. But over the years, you know, thousands of hours of training and doing a ridiculous amount of inner work and spiritual development has had a real payoff. You know, my bad days now are better than most of my best days in my 20s and 30s, certainly in my childhood, and it's the self-care practices that have been so instrumental. And it's the self-care practices that have been so instrumental not just in helping me heal and grow, but also recenter and restabilize when times are tough and there are always going to be tough times. I mean, look around, there's a lot of chaos going on right now and there are always going to be difficulties. There are always going to be challenges that come our way.

Speaker 1: 5:36

Figured out how to balance work and family, friends and me. I'm still not as consistent with exercise, for instance, as I'd like to be, but everything in life has a high and a low, has an ebb and a flow. We need to remember this when we think about all aspects of growth and about caring for ourselves. You don't build muscles effectively if you never have a rest day. If we don't acknowledge this, if we don't acknowledge this, if we don't acknowledge that, for every hour we spend running around like crazy people, we need to spend an equal amount of time taking care of ourselves with sleep or good food or reading a book or whatever it is, then we're really robbing ourselves of the potential joy and grace we might experience during our days.

Speaker 1: 6:17

Too often we say I want to eat better, sleep better, exercise more, start meditating, spend more time with friends. I mean, the list is so long and it's too much. We expect too much of ourselves right out the gate. I find it far more useful to pick just one thing and start doing it consistently. But where do you even begin?

Speaker 1: 6:38

So if you are one of those lucky people who look at your life right now and feel pretty balanced, pretty happy, pretty good, take note of what you're doing that's helping you feel that way? Is it that you're prioritizing sleep, or is it that you're exercising 30 minutes every day, or that you take 15 minutes every morning to read and journal or simply sip your coffee in silence? Is it a collection of three or four very specific things that are creating this sense of kind of peace and calm throughout your days? What is it that's making your life so sweet? Now, if you're one of those people who feels like you are solidly in the rat race and are not feeling all graceful and settled and calm, can you remember a time that you did feel at peace and like your life was pretty balanced, and what were you doing then that was so supportive and helped you feel so much better?

Speaker 1: 7:39

Now, I'll caveat this, because sometimes it's a life event, a major life event, that kind of flips us on our head right. Parenthood is one of them. There is before you have kids and after you have kids, and the ways in which you are able to support yourself before and after are totally different. I mean, that's what threw me for a loop. I had a really consistent you know practice of self-care things that I did for myself prior to having a kid and then you just don't have the same amount of time or resources or energy. So sometimes that's what throws us off, that's what creates the turmoil is that we have a really wonderful thing that happens to us, but it also completely changes the game.

Speaker 1: 8:26

So sometimes remembering the things that you did before will help, and sometimes it almost feels more overwhelming because it's like you know what you want to do. You just can't figure out how to do it, and we'll talk a little bit about that as we move through all the supportive suggestions next week. But it's important to at least make the list of what did help you. Then it's a good place to start. All right.

Speaker 1: 8:52

So now, if you can't recall a time that you were ever not stressed and overwhelmed, if you have no idea what a good self-care routine for yourself would look like, good news. That's what we're going to talk about next week. We're going to talk about different suggestions for taking care of ourselves on a physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual level. Then you're going to have lots of options to choose from and, regardless of whether you're waiting for these suggestions next week or you already have a good idea of the practices that are most helpful for you, start as soon as possible with just one thing. Just one thing consistently.

Speaker 1: 9:32

Do it for a month and then determine whether or not it's doing anything positive for you. If yes, great. You've learned one self-care routine to keep in place always, or at least until it's not working anymore, or you find something better. If not, if you do it for a month and you realize you know I'm really not noticing much of a change in my life Well then, great, you've learned that that one doesn't work for you. Time to try something new? Well then, great, you've learned that that one doesn't work for you. Time to try something new. Try to think about this as something exciting. Not work, not something else to add to your schedule, but as an exciting adventure into figuring out what makes your days joyful, what brings grace and ease to your days and it's not going to be the same for everyone. Starting my days with a cup of coffee and a good book is one of my favorite aspects of my personal self-care routine. That's some people's version of hell. Maybe it's a cup of tea and listening to a podcast like this one, or reading scripture.

Speaker 1: 10:32

The intention is for you to get out there and play, be Goldilocks. Make a list of 10 things that sound interesting, ones that you've already heard of, or next week. You can jot a few down every day and, if they feel like they might be possible for you, start experimenting. There's never going to be a perfect time for figuring this stuff out. You just have to dive in. And just one more question that might be helpful for you as you contemplate self-care Ask yourself where or when are the places or times of your life that you experience stress regularly.

Speaker 1: 11:10

Keep that in mind when you start planning out what you're going to do for self-care and think about organizing it around that particular stressor. So if it's work, for instance, maybe you take a 10-minute walk at lunch, that kind of thing. It's not going to be possible for all situations, which is where front-loading or book-ending your day with your self-care practices might be more achievable, but it's something to think about. That's all for today. I'm excited for what I've got planned for you next week. If you have any questions or thoughts, email me at rootsoftherise at gmailcom. Otherwise, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day and remember, know who you are, love who you've been and be willing to do the work to become who you want to be Just a quick reminder. This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist or any other qualified provider. That said, I hope it inspires you to grow, heal and seek the support you need to thrive.