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Welcome to Roots of the Rise with me , sarah Hope . Today , we are diving into the power of a growth mindset . If you have ever held back from trying something new because you were afraid to fail or felt crushed when something didn't go perfectly , this one's for you . We'll talk about why effort matters more than outcome , how our beliefs about ourselves are formed and why failure isn't the end , it's the beginning . So let's get into this .

Speaker 1 0:42

Every single one of us has experienced that moment of facing a challenge and thinking it's okay , I totally got this , only to realize that , no , we do not totally got this . And we have a choice in that moment . We have a choice to either berate ourselves and feel guilt and shame for not being able to do what we thought we could , or we can learn . We can own our over-optimism or over-enthusiasm . We can love the part of us that thought we could handle it and then give ourselves some grace and recognize that we were wrong . Every single one of us experiences failure and , sure , sometimes the stakes are low . We thought we could do 10 push-ups and it turns out we can only do one . But sometimes the stakes are high . For example , I thought I could complete two and a half weeks of podcast episodes in advance and I have come to the realization that I can't .

Speaker 1 1:43

My July is madness . We are traveling a lot , which is actually great . We're going to get to go to , like , one of my favorite places , one of my husband's favorite places . We're going to be able to see friends and family , some of whom we haven't seen in years . You know , our son is going to get to spend quality time with all of his cousins . Like honestly , I'm so excited about what July is going to bring for me and my family personally , but I was supposed to get all the podcast episodes done before we left , because I'm not going to be bringing my recording equipment with me for a whole week of the month . I will literally be off grid and unreachable . So I really needed to get these episodes done in advance . But the reality is that I couldn't even get today's out on time , and this is one of the reasons why I'm talking about failure today . It's great , right that it jives so much with the past couple episodes , but it also kills me to have to admit that I just cannot get something done that I thought I could .

Speaker 1 2:51

I'm trying to view this moment the way I view all moments with my son , actually , when things don't go according to plan , when I am not the parent I want to be and respond to something in a way that makes me cringe . Even as I do it , I try to look at those moments as an opportunity for me to model for him what it looks like to admit wrongdoing or to own mistakes , and so this is me trying to do that in this context as well , trying to relax into humility and to fall back into the recognition that I am not perfect , nor am I always capable of achieving every single thing I set my mind to , because , honestly , none of us are , and all of us forget that fact

Modeling The Essential Questions from Episode 68

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sometimes . Now , look , that doesn't mean I get to completely let myself off the hook and act like it doesn't matter , because it's important to own our mistakes , to take responsibility when we let other people like you , my listeners or maybe even more importantly , sometimes ourselves down . These moments are when I personally know I need to whip out those essential questions I covered back in episode 68 and see which ones might be useful . So I thought today I'd let you in on my own process , as I do exactly that to try to figure out how best to handle this situation how it might be useful , because that's one of those questions , right ? Is this useful ?

Speaker 1 4:23

Well , being upset with myself , beating myself up , feeling shame and guilt over not being able to get those episodes done , that is decidedly not useful . It's never useful to go down into that pit of self-flagellation . So I go back to priorities . What's the priority here ? You know , have I gone out of alignment somehow ? And if I'm really honest with myself , the answer to that is no , because my family is my number one priority always .

Speaker 1 4:57

Now I could stay up all night and try to bang out at least a couple more episodes , but what would that do to me ? I am a woman who needs her sleep , so staying up late would likely result only in subpar content and a really , really cranky Sarah , overstimulated , exhausted , stressed out . And how do I act when I'm that way ? I'm awful , I have zero patience . I am super cranky , I'm short with my husband , with my son , like I am the version of myself that I most dislike . So , yes , I could overextend myself to follow through on the commitment and get these episodes posted , but there would be a cost and it's just not one I'm willing to pay . But I'm still stressed about it . I'm still trying to figure out like what do I do ? How do I reconcile my responsibilities as a wife and mom with my commitment to providing loving support and education with this podcast ?

Speaker 1 5:58

So when I start really feeling conflicted and overwhelmed , I go back to asking what am I believing about this ? Well , I'm believing that if I don't post the three times a week I promised I would , I'm going to lose you , I'm going to lose my followers , I'm going to lose the momentum I've gained . I'm going to disappoint people . They will think that I am flaky or unreliable . Listing all of that out does not make me feel better . It actually brings up this sense of oh my goodness , maybe I do need to stay up tonight and try to make this content . But listing out what you're believing is only the first part . You then have to go back and ask is this true ? How do I know it's true , and the truth is that there's no way for me to know what's going to happen if I don't post these episodes . I don't know for sure that I'll lose people . I don't know that the momentum will slow or stop . I mean really . All I know for sure is that there is no way for me to get these episodes done without putting a tremendous amount of stress and pressure on myself , which will have a ripple effect on my family .

Speaker 1 7:08

You know it's funny I'm sitting at my desk as I prep this episode and directly in front of me is a paperweight my mother , of all people , gave me when I graduated college . That says what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail ? It's not exactly perfect for the situation , so I'm going to tweak it a little bit , which is what can I do ? What is actually possible for me ? Well , I can own , but I can't get it done . I can model walking through this process of offering myself some compassion and the situation some acceptance , and I can learn and that's one of the other questions right , what can I learn from this ?

Speaker 1 7:49

If you've been with me from the beginning , you know that I actually had one of these moments a few months back , when I didn't have an episode ready and I beat myself up over it . I had a let's offer myself some compassion moment I shared with all of you . And then I learned and I said , okay , I need to make sure I have an extra episode in the bank , and you know what I followed through with that . It was actually the foundation for Monday's episode . I wrote and actually recorded that episode months ago , but then when I hit Monday , I knew I wanted to talk on that topic and so I kind of rewrote it and tweaked it because of the client situations and so I used it and I say all of that to say I did learn from the last experience of not being able to post on time and I did prepare accordingly Turns out just not enough and yeah , you know I can sit in that failure .

Speaker 1 8:44

But I'm going to pull a quote from an Insta account I follow called just frog it about it and the post was if you believe failure is real , then you miss the point of learning altogether , because failure is knowledge and knowledge is success . Therefore , failure isn't real . It only exists to those who are more concerned with appearing successful . Luckily , I let go of caring about appearances . A long time ago . I shifted from thinking success was all about the outcome , which is what I was taught in my childhood , to realizing it's really all about what I learned

Growth Mindset

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from the experience . And that's the essence of a growth mindset . It means disidentifying with outcomes . Interestingly , that's also a core teacher of Dharma . Let go the fruit of your actions , and I'm sure this is a topic we'll revisit , probably more than once , but for today I just wanted to focus on what a growth mindset is . I'm going to summarize what I've learned from listening to and reading Dr Andrew Huberman's thoughts on this . I'll also link in the show notes to a page where you can explore all of his content on growth mindset directly . It's all really , really good .

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So the term growth mindset was coined by Dr Carol Dweck and , as Dr Huberman puts it , it describes research on how to improve learning that is anchored in the belief that our abilities are malleable , and they are . We know this because of neuroplasticity . Ooh , did I say that ? Neuroplasticity , neuroplasticity . There it is . So our brains can learn and change throughout our entire lives . Of course , our beliefs about our abilities whether we say we're good at math or bad at drawing those are shaped early on by the kind of feedback we received . Sorry , parents , but how we respond to our kids really does matter .

Two Types of Feedback

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So there are two primary types of feedback . The first is intelligence or performance-based feedback . So this is when a kid is told they're smart , athletic , talented . Performance-based feedback . So this is when a kid is told they're smart , athletic , talented . You know , while it sounds positive , this type of outcome-based praise can actually be limiting . It links identity to results . So if a child hears you're so smart over and over and then gets a B instead of an A , it can trigger a whole identity crisis . It's not just I didn't do well , it becomes I'm not good enough If I'm not the top student or the star athlete who am I ?

Speaker 1 11:10

The second form of feedback is effort-based feedback . So this type of feedback focuses on what the person did , not who they are . You'll know you're giving effort-based feedback if there's a verb involved . It emphasizes dedication , persistence and learning . It sounds like you worked hard for that B or look how you've pivoted . Now you're coming up with amazing plays for the team instead of scoring goals yourself . What's powerful about effort-based feedback is that it applies beyond high achievement . It doesn't depend on getting the A plus or winning the game . You can use it all the time . It helps you shift perspective and recognize what is working . Call back to Monday's episode , not just what isn't .

Two Reasons Why We Need to Cultivate a Growth Mindset

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Cultivating a growth mindset is so important , and I think there are two big reasons why . The first is when your mindset is performance or result-based , something sneaky can happen . You start to only take on the challenges you know you can win . You avoid risk . You only reach for things that feel safe , because that's how you get that . You're so good at this kind of feedback and that reinforcement feels great , but it can also keep you small . You don't want to risk failure , so you stop stretching , you stop growing . But when you've cultivated a growth mindset , you're more likely to take risks , to try new things , even things you might not be great at yet , because your sense of self isn't trying to only get it right . Your sense of self isn't trying to only get it right . Your sense of self isn't tied to being perfect . You're not afraid of failing because you know that failure is part of how we learn .

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I'll link to my episode on how competence can keep us stuck , because it ties in here too . There's a quote I love , though I'm not sure who said it If you fail , never give up , because fail means first attempt in learning . End is not the end . End means effort never dies . And if you get no as an answer , remember no means next opportunity . Change your mindset .

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Failure almost always comes before success , which brings us to the second reason . A growth mindset matters because we all fail , every single one of us will have a moment where something we're usually good at doesn't go well . And if your entire identity is built around being the best at something , whether it's your work , your art , your role in a relationship , those moments can feel absolutely devastating . So if you're not attached to the outcome , what are you attached to ? I'd say two things . First , effort Celebrate the effort , not perfection . Value the process of learning , not just the end result . When effort is what gets recognized , it is so much easier to pivot and move forward when something doesn't go as planned . And the second learning At its core , a growth mindset , is the belief that we can get better , that who we are today doesn't have to be who will stay , that we can grow .

Speaker 1 14:18

Winston Churchill said success is not final , failure is not fatal . It is the courage to continue that counts . And you know , it can be tricky because most of our mindsets , they run on autopilot . It's not like we're walking around constantly evaluating how we think or what we believe about ourselves , but those beliefs are shaping us every day , like in this whole situation with the podcast episodes . Every day , like in this whole situation with the podcast episodes , my underlying belief is that if I don't do this perfectly , if I don't execute every element of it perfectly , I am unworthy . That it means that there is something not useful , not worthy , not meaningful about everything else that I've done . If I can't do it perfectly . I have this whole internal story going on and all of it is built on this unconscious belief that I must be perfect at all times . I guess it is conscious , since I can state it .

Speaker 1 15:17

But you know , we tend to label ourselves as good or bad at something and how much that label affects us depends on how much that skill is tied to our identity . If you play core hole twice a year and you're bad at it , you probably don't care . But if you're a seasoned yoga teacher who runs multiple yoga teacher trainings a year and you forget the name of a pose mid-class , well that can really rattle you , not because it's a big mistake , but because it challenges the identity you've built around being an expert . So growth mindset isn't just about learning new skills . It's about softening those identity attachments and giving yourself space to evolve .

Journal Prompts for Mindset Reflection

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So I want to give you some journal prompts for you to be able to start investigating your own mindset . So here we go .

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First , what have I been told I'm really good at , and why ? Why was I told that Because it just came naturally ? Did I apply myself for many years , take lots of classes ? Why am I so good at this thing ? Two what have I been told I'm really bad at ? Is it because I've tried and tried and tried and just can't do this thing well , or have I not really put any effort into getting any better ? Did I try it once , was told I was awful , and never tried again ? Especially important to ask that if it's something you really enjoy or really love but don't do because you were told you were bad at it . Number three who told me that I was good or bad at this thing , and how often ? Four what have I told myself I'm really good at and what have I told myself I'm really bad at ? Finally , number five why am I so attached to this label ? Why does it matter ? Why is my identity wrapped up in it ? Why does it bother me that I'm not good at this thing ? Or why am I so very proud that I am good at this thing ? Take some time to journal those questions and see what comes up for you . If you have a meditation or prayer practice , try journaling after you've done that and be open to just whatever comes . This might be a good journal prompt set for stream of consciousness writing , so you can just let awareness flow .

Speaker 1 17:32

As for me , I'm going to circle back to what I've learned in this process of realizing I am not going to get these episodes done . Well , I've learned that summer is madness . You know , this is my first real kind of quote unquote summer with a kid . Up until now he's gone to preschool and school . That basically was year round . So summer like didn't really feel any different . My schedule didn't really change . Well , he is a graduated kindergartner now , so this was the first summer of actually having to manage time differently .

Speaker 1 18:04

Camp starts later . Some of the camps are only half days . He wants to be outside at the pool having fun playdates with his friends , and I've realized that I want that for him too , that I'm not willing to compromise his summer for my work , and I mean that's really what it boils down to . Back to priorities . So my first lesson here is that I need to recognize that I'm going to have summer hours for a few years , that I need to cut back on the amount of work I think I'm going to be able to get done during the summer , and I'm not good at this .

Speaker 1 18:41

There's a judgment of myself , but judgments can also sometimes be true . Just ask my husband . Anytime I tell him I need just another 15 minutes to do something , he automatically assumes that means closer to an hour , and he's right . I'm working on my discernment here . But anyway , I've learned that I need to cut back on what I think I'm going to do during the summer or prepare far in advance . But I still have a problem because I'm about to leave on this trip and episodes aren't done . So I also need to decide . What am I going to

Summer Schedule Announcement

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do ? Well , I am going to take July off . Yep , you heard me Even saying that out loud .

Speaker 1 19:23

I feel all sorts of nerves about it for all the reasons I already stated the loss of momentum that you'll forget about this podcast , that getting started again and being in the flow will be really hard . I mean all the reasons . But I went back to one of those essential questions that I told you about , which is dear heart , what do you need ? And I realized quite simply that I need the pressure off . Sure , I could say I'll be back in a couple of weeks and kill myself then trying to get things done for the rest of the month . But you know what I just don't want to do , that I don't want to create subpar content or rush through things or stress myself out . This podcast is created out of love and joy and I don't want to compromise that . So instead of giving myself another deadline that feels wholly unattainable , I am going to be realistic . So I will be back on August 4th . That really does bring all sorts of flutters up , but also a sense of relief , and that's how I know it's the right call .

Speaker 1 20:27

So thank you for being here with me today . I hope this sparked something for you Maybe a little more compassion for where you are , maybe a little more courage to keep growing and some things to think about . If you have thoughts you'd like to share , you can always email me at Roots of the Rise . If you want to dive deeper , check the show notes for links to more on growth mindset . I hope you have a wonderful month . I will be back in August and until then , remember month . I will be back in August and until then , remember , know who you are , love who you've been and be willing to do the work to become who you want to be . Just a quick reminder this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only . I am not a licensed therapist and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician , therapist or any other qualified provider . That said , I hope it inspires you to grow , heal and seek the support you need to thrive .