Speaker 1: 0:13

Welcome to Roots of the Rise with me, sarah Hope. Today, we are diving into the power of a growth mindset. If you have ever held back from trying something new because you were afraid to fail or felt crushed when something didn't go perfectly, this one's for you. We'll talk about why effort matters more than outcome, how our beliefs about ourselves are formed and why failure isn't the end, it's the beginning. So let's get into this.

Speaker 1: 0:42

Every single one of us has experienced that moment of facing a challenge and thinking it's okay, I totally got this, only to realize that, no, we do not totally got this. And we have a choice in that moment. We have a choice to either berate ourselves and feel guilt and shame for not being able to do what we thought we could, or we can learn. We can own our over-optimism or over-enthusiasm. We can love the part of us that thought we could handle it and then give ourselves some grace and recognize that we were wrong. Every single one of us experiences failure and, sure, sometimes the stakes are low. We thought we could do 10 push-ups and it turns out we can only do one. But sometimes the stakes are high. For example, I thought I could complete two and a half weeks of podcast episodes in advance and I have come to the realization that I can't.

Speaker 1: 1:43

My July is madness. We are traveling a lot, which is actually great. We're going to get to go to, like, one of my favorite places, one of my husband's favorite places. We're going to be able to see friends and family, some of whom we haven't seen in years. You know, our son is going to get to spend quality time with all of his cousins. Like honestly, I'm so excited about what July is going to bring for me and my family personally, but I was supposed to get all the podcast episodes done before we left, because I'm not going to be bringing my recording equipment with me for a whole week of the month. I will literally be off grid and unreachable. So I really needed to get these episodes done in advance. But the reality is that I couldn't even get today's out on time, and this is one of the reasons why I'm talking about failure today. It's great, right that it jives so much with the past couple episodes, but it also kills me to have to admit that I just cannot get something done that I thought I could.

Speaker 1: 2:51

I'm trying to view this moment the way I view all moments with my son, actually, when things don't go according to plan, when I am not the parent I want to be and respond to something in a way that makes me cringe. Even as I do it, I try to look at those moments as an opportunity for me to model for him what it looks like to admit wrongdoing or to own mistakes, and so this is me trying to do that in this context as well, trying to relax into humility and to fall back into the recognition that I am not perfect, nor am I always capable of achieving every single thing I set my mind to, because, honestly, none of us are, and all of us forget that fact sometimes. Now, look, that doesn't mean I get to completely let myself off the hook and act like it doesn't matter, because it's important to own our mistakes, to take responsibility when we let other people like you, my listeners or maybe even more importantly, sometimes ourselves down. These moments are when I personally know I need to whip out those essential questions I covered back in episode 68 and see which ones might be useful. So I thought today I'd let you in on my own process, as I do exactly that to try to figure out how best to handle this situation how it might be useful, because that's one of those questions, right? Is this useful?

Speaker 1: 4:23

Well, being upset with myself, beating myself up, feeling shame and guilt over not being able to get those episodes done, that is decidedly not useful. It's never useful to go down into that pit of self-flagellation. So I go back to priorities. What's the priority here? You know, have I gone out of alignment somehow? And if I'm really honest with myself, the answer to that is no, because my family is my number one priority always.

Speaker 1: 4:57

Now I could stay up all night and try to bang out at least a couple more episodes, but what would that do to me? I am a woman who needs her sleep, so staying up late would likely result only in subpar content and a really, really cranky Sarah, overstimulated, exhausted, stressed out. And how do I act when I'm that way? I'm awful, I have zero patience. I am super cranky, I'm short with my husband, with my son, like I am the version of myself that I most dislike. So, yes, I could overextend myself to follow through on the commitment and get these episodes posted, but there would be a cost and it's just not one I'm willing to pay. But I'm still stressed about it. I'm still trying to figure out like what do I do? How do I reconcile my responsibilities as a wife and mom with my commitment to providing loving support and education with this podcast?

Speaker 1: 5:58

So when I start really feeling conflicted and overwhelmed, I go back to asking what am I believing about this? Well, I'm believing that if I don't post the three times a week I promised I would, I'm going to lose you, I'm going to lose my followers, I'm going to lose the momentum I've gained. I'm going to disappoint people. They will think that I am flaky or unreliable. Listing all of that out does not make me feel better. It actually brings up this sense of oh my goodness, maybe I do need to stay up tonight and try to make this content. But listing out what you're believing is only the first part. You then have to go back and ask is this true? How do I know it's true, and the truth is that there's no way for me to know what's going to happen if I don't post these episodes. I don't know for sure that I'll lose people. I don't know that the momentum will slow or stop. I mean really. All I know for sure is that there is no way for me to get these episodes done without putting a tremendous amount of stress and pressure on myself, which will have a ripple effect on my family.

Speaker 1: 7:08

You know it's funny I'm sitting at my desk as I prep this episode and directly in front of me is a paperweight my mother, of all people, gave me when I graduated college. That says what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail? It's not exactly perfect for the situation, so I'm going to tweak it a little bit, which is what can I do? What is actually possible for me? Well, I can own, but I can't get it done. I can model walking through this process of offering myself some compassion and the situation some acceptance, and I can learn and that's one of the other questions right, what can I learn from this?

Speaker 1: 7:49

If you've been with me from the beginning, you know that I actually had one of these moments a few months back, when I didn't have an episode ready and I beat myself up over it. I had a let's offer myself some compassion moment I shared with all of you. And then I learned and I said, okay, I need to make sure I have an extra episode in the bank, and you know what I followed through with that. It was actually the foundation for Monday's episode. I wrote and actually recorded that episode months ago, but then when I hit Monday, I knew I wanted to talk on that topic and so I kind of rewrote it and tweaked it because of the client situations and so I used it and I say all of that to say I did learn from the last experience of not being able to post on time and I did prepare accordingly Turns out just not enough and yeah, you know I can sit in that failure.

Speaker 1: 8:44

But I'm going to pull a quote from an Insta account I follow called just frog it about it and the post was if you believe failure is real, then you miss the point of learning altogether, because failure is knowledge and knowledge is success. Therefore, failure isn't real. It only exists to those who are more concerned with appearing successful. Luckily, I let go of caring about appearances. A long time ago. I shifted from thinking success was all about the outcome, which is what I was taught in my childhood, to realizing it's really all about what I learned from the experience. And that's the essence of a growth mindset. It means disidentifying with outcomes. Interestingly, that's also a core teacher of Dharma. Let go the fruit of your actions, and I'm sure this is a topic we'll revisit, probably more than once, but for today I just wanted to focus on what a growth mindset is. I'm going to summarize what I've learned from listening to and reading Dr Andrew Huberman's thoughts on this. I'll also link in the show notes to a page where you can explore all of his content on growth mindset directly. It's all really, really good.

Speaker 1: 9:53

So the term growth mindset was coined by Dr Carol Dweck and, as Dr Huberman puts it, it describes research on how to improve learning that is anchored in the belief that our abilities are malleable, and they are. We know this because of neuroplasticity. Ooh, did I say that? Neuroplasticity, neuroplasticity. There it is. So our brains can learn and change throughout our entire lives. Of course, our beliefs about our abilities whether we say we're good at math or bad at drawing those are shaped early on by the kind of feedback we received. Sorry, parents, but how we respond to our kids really does matter.

Speaker 1: 10:34

So there are two primary types of feedback. The first is intelligence or performance-based feedback. So this is when a kid is told they're smart, athletic, talented. Performance-based feedback. So this is when a kid is told they're smart, athletic, talented. You know, while it sounds positive, this type of outcome-based praise can actually be limiting. It links identity to results. So if a child hears you're so smart over and over and then gets a B instead of an A, it can trigger a whole identity crisis. It's not just I didn't do well, it becomes I'm not good enough If I'm not the top student or the star athlete who am I?

Speaker 1: 11:10

The second form of feedback is effort-based feedback. So this type of feedback focuses on what the person did, not who they are. You'll know you're giving effort-based feedback if there's a verb involved. It emphasizes dedication, persistence and learning. It sounds like you worked hard for that B or look how you've pivoted. Now you're coming up with amazing plays for the team instead of scoring goals yourself. What's powerful about effort-based feedback is that it applies beyond high achievement. It doesn't depend on getting the A plus or winning the game. You can use it all the time. It helps you shift perspective and recognize what is working. Call back to Monday's episode, not just what isn't.

Speaker 1: 11:59

Cultivating a growth mindset is so important, and I think there are two big reasons why. The first is when your mindset is performance or result-based, something sneaky can happen. You start to only take on the challenges you know you can win. You avoid risk. You only reach for things that feel safe, because that's how you get that. You're so good at this kind of feedback and that reinforcement feels great, but it can also keep you small. You don't want to risk failure, so you stop stretching, you stop growing. But when you've cultivated a growth mindset, you're more likely to take risks, to try new things, even things you might not be great at yet, because your sense of self isn't trying to only get it right. Your sense of self isn't trying to only get it right. Your sense of self isn't tied to being perfect. You're not afraid of failing because you know that failure is part of how we learn.

Speaker 1: 12:52

I'll link to my episode on how competence can keep us stuck, because it ties in here too. There's a quote I love, though I'm not sure who said it If you fail, never give up, because fail means first attempt in learning. End is not the end. End means effort never dies. And if you get no as an answer, remember no means next opportunity. Change your mindset.

Speaker 1: 13:18

Failure almost always comes before success, which brings us to the second reason. A growth mindset matters because we all fail, every single one of us will have a moment where something we're usually good at doesn't go well. And if your entire identity is built around being the best at something, whether it's your work, your art, your role in a relationship, those moments can feel absolutely devastating. So if you're not attached to the outcome, what are you attached to? I'd say two things. First, effort Celebrate the effort, not perfection. Value the process of learning, not just the end result. When effort is what gets recognized, it is so much easier to pivot and move forward when something doesn't go as planned. And the second learning At its core, a growth mindset, is the belief that we can get better, that who we are today doesn't have to be who will stay, that we can grow.

Speaker 1: 14:18

Winston Churchill said success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts. And you know, it can be tricky because most of our mindsets, they run on autopilot. It's not like we're walking around constantly evaluating how we think or what we believe about ourselves, but those beliefs are shaping us every day, like in this whole situation with the podcast episodes. Every day, like in this whole situation with the podcast episodes, my underlying belief is that if I don't do this perfectly, if I don't execute every element of it perfectly, I am unworthy. That it means that there is something not useful, not worthy, not meaningful about everything else that I've done. If I can't do it perfectly. I have this whole internal story going on and all of it is built on this unconscious belief that I must be perfect at all times. I guess it is conscious, since I can state it.

Speaker 1: 15:17

But you know, we tend to label ourselves as good or bad at something and how much that label affects us depends on how much that skill is tied to our identity. If you play core hole twice a year and you're bad at it, you probably don't care. But if you're a seasoned yoga teacher who runs multiple yoga teacher trainings a year and you forget the name of a pose mid-class, well that can really rattle you, not because it's a big mistake, but because it challenges the identity you've built around being an expert. So growth mindset isn't just about learning new skills. It's about softening those identity attachments and giving yourself space to evolve. So I want to give you some journal prompts for you to be able to start investigating your own mindset. So here we go.

Speaker 1: 16:01

First, what have I been told I'm really good at, and why? Why was I told that Because it just came naturally? Did I apply myself for many years, take lots of classes? Why am I so good at this thing? Two what have I been told I'm really bad at? Is it because I've tried and tried and tried and just can't do this thing well, or have I not really put any effort into getting any better? Did I try it once, was told I was awful, and never tried again? Especially important to ask that if it's something you really enjoy or really love but don't do because you were told you were bad at it. Number three who told me that I was good or bad at this thing, and how often? Four what have I told myself I'm really good at and what have I told myself I'm really bad at? Finally, number five why am I so attached to this label? Why does it matter? Why is my identity wrapped up in it? Why does it bother me that I'm not good at this thing? Or why am I so very proud that I am good at this thing? Take some time to journal those questions and see what comes up for you. If you have a meditation or prayer practice, try journaling after you've done that and be open to just whatever comes. This might be a good journal prompt set for stream of consciousness writing, so you can just let awareness flow.

Speaker 1: 17:32

As for me, I'm going to circle back to what I've learned in this process of realizing I am not going to get these episodes done. Well, I've learned that summer is madness. You know, this is my first real kind of quote unquote summer with a kid. Up until now he's gone to preschool and school. That basically was year round. So summer like didn't really feel any different. My schedule didn't really change. Well, he is a graduated kindergartner now, so this was the first summer of actually having to manage time differently.

Speaker 1: 18:04

Camp starts later. Some of the camps are only half days. He wants to be outside at the pool having fun playdates with his friends, and I've realized that I want that for him too, that I'm not willing to compromise his summer for my work, and I mean that's really what it boils down to. Back to priorities. So my first lesson here is that I need to recognize that I'm going to have summer hours for a few years, that I need to cut back on the amount of work I think I'm going to be able to get done during the summer, and I'm not good at this.

Speaker 1: 18:41

There's a judgment of myself, but judgments can also sometimes be true. Just ask my husband. Anytime I tell him I need just another 15 minutes to do something, he automatically assumes that means closer to an hour, and he's right. I'm working on my discernment here. But anyway, I've learned that I need to cut back on what I think I'm going to do during the summer or prepare far in advance. But I still have a problem because I'm about to leave on this trip and episodes aren't done. So I also need to decide. What am I going to do? Well, I am going to take July off. Yep, you heard me Even saying that out loud.

Speaker 1: 19:23

I feel all sorts of nerves about it for all the reasons I already stated the loss of momentum that you'll forget about this podcast, that getting started again and being in the flow will be really hard. I mean all the reasons. But I went back to one of those essential questions that I told you about, which is dear heart, what do you need? And I realized quite simply that I need the pressure off. Sure, I could say I'll be back in a couple of weeks and kill myself then trying to get things done for the rest of the month. But you know what I just don't want to do, that I don't want to create subpar content or rush through things or stress myself out. This podcast is created out of love and joy and I don't want to compromise that. So instead of giving myself another deadline that feels wholly unattainable, I am going to be realistic. So I will be back on August 4th. That really does bring all sorts of flutters up, but also a sense of relief, and that's how I know it's the right call.

Speaker 1: 20:27

So thank you for being here with me today. I hope this sparked something for you Maybe a little more compassion for where you are, maybe a little more courage to keep growing and some things to think about. If you have thoughts you'd like to share, you can always email me at Roots of the Rise. If you want to dive deeper, check the show notes for links to more on growth mindset. I hope you have a wonderful month. I will be back in August and until then, remember month. I will be back in August and until then, remember, know who you are, love who you've been and be willing to do the work to become who you want to be. Just a quick reminder this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist or any other qualified provider. That said, I hope it inspires you to grow, heal and seek the support you need to thrive.