Breaking the Silence on Sexuality

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Welcome to Roots of the Rise with me , sarah Hope . Sex there I said it , and if that already made you squirm a little , you're definitely not alone . The truth is , most people either obsess over it or avoid it altogether . But even if it makes you or me a little uncomfortable , we need to talk about what sex is actually about Not performance , not perfection , but connection , healing and deep human intimacy . So let's get curious , let's get honest and maybe through the discomfort , a doorway will open to more joy , more closeness and , hopefully , more pleasure .

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Who doesn't have some kind of hang-up about sexuality ? Too little , too much fear , shame , compulsion , deprivation , addiction , you name it . These days , sexuality is both rejected and magnified , and that's deeply unfortunate , because sexuality , at its core , is a life force . It restores , it renews , it balances and , yes , it reproduces . But we live in a culture where it's often either repressed or exploited , and that creates deep confusion and deep imbalance . This week we've been talking about all things related to the second chakra , the energy center that holds our programming , primarily of sexuality and emotions . When our sexuality is frustrated or shut down , we often feel the opposite

The Second Chakra and Sexual Energy

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of what this chakra is meant to bring vitality , aliveness and flow . Repressed sexuality can dull our energy , block our creative flow and rob us of the pleasure and growth that comes from authentic relationship . As Anadeya Judith I believe it's in one of her books and hopefully I'm pronouncing her name correctly . Anyway , she beautifully puts it this way Just as you can't dribble a ball that's resting on the floor , a person with a closed second chakra may struggle to find partners to help open it . Meanwhile , a second chakra that's wide , open may attract more energy and more people than it knows how to manage . That's the spiritual principle of like attracts like . Denying our body's intimacy and sexual expression cuts us off from some of the most profound pleasure the body is capable of . It dulls not only our sensual experience but also our emotional sensitivity . Energetically speaking , when two people come together , face to face , all their chakras align . During sex , each chakra begins to vibrate more intensely . Energy passes between their bodies , weaving connection at every level physical , emotional , energetic . You don't have to believe in chakras to recognize the truth of this .

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Esther Perel ,

Esther Perel on Performance vs. Connection in Sex

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a Belgian psychotherapist , author of several books . She's got a podcast . She's wonderful . She talks a lot about how important sex is , not just physically , but emotionally and in relationship . She points out how in Western culture , there's a huge focus on performance . How often , how good , how exciting is the sex ? This isn't surprising .

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Think about how much sexual content is seen just on TV in a given day . Forget about porn and the rest of the sex . This isn't surprising . Think about how much sexual content is seen just on TV in a given day . Forget about porn and the rest of the internet . And that's all performative . How much of it gives a realistic , actual portrayal of true sexual intimacy ? Maybe there's correlation for that first year , that honeymoon stage . But after 20 years with the same partner , it's probably not still the role-playing , swipe the plates off the dinner table , bodice ripping kind of sex . Maybe it is . I mean more power to you if so . But think about this stat 73% of teenagers have seen porn , with 12 as the average age of first exposure . At least that's what a Google search told me .

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Now this episode isn't about porn , but it has to be part of the conversation because overuse can cause some real problems reduced arousal to real life intimacy , like legitimately not being able to enjoy actual sex , disconnection from your partners , using porn as an escape . That said , not all porn use is problematic . For many it can be part of a healthy sex life . It only becomes an issue when it starts interfering with real connection , love and presence , or when it's the only exposure to sex a young person has . That can lead to some real misunderstanding about what sex actually looks like , feels like and should be like . Esther Perel says Sex is more about connection , feels like and should be like . Esther Perel says sex is more about connection , play and presence . It's emotional , not just physical , and we need to talk about it more . And she's right . We joke about sex all the time in our culture , but when it comes to real , meaningful conversations , especially with our partners , we often stay silent

Vanessa Marin on talking with your partner

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and while many insinuate that women care and need more of the emotional connection , whereas men are all about the physical , there's more to it than that , which is something Vanessa Marin , a licensed sex therapist , talks about beautifully on Armchair Expert during the episode I'm going to link for you below . She wrote a book called Sex Talks , which is fabulous , that I'll also link below . That goes over how to start having conversations with your partner Because , as she says , why is it so hard to talk about sex , even with the person who regularly sees you naked ? I'll link her podcast too . It's called Pillow Talks and she co-hosts it with her husband . One of these days I may do an entire episode just on her work . It's that good and so helpful for giving you a framework for discussion , but for today I just want to leave you with five simple questions to ask yourself about your own sexual programming . Before we get into it , and while we're talking about self-awareness around sex , we also need to acknowledge something really important sexual trauma . I am so sorry if you've experienced this . The effects are long lasting . It can and does wound deeply , living on in the body , the nervous system and in our sense of safety and worth . If this is part of your experience , know that unfortunately , you're not alone . Depending on the severity , sometimes healing from that kind of hurt takes so much more than self-reflection . It may mean working with a trauma-informed therapist , a somatic practitioner , having a support group , and that's not weakness , it's strength , it's a way of honoring your body and your healing . So , as you explore these questions , be gentle with yourself . And this goes for all of you , even for those who haven't experienced this kind of abuse . Thinking about sex can bring up a lot . So be gentle with yourself . If anything feels too tender or overwhelming , it's okay . So , with all of that said , let's dive

Five Questions for Sexual Self-Reflection

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in Question number one . What messages did you get about sex as a child ? What was your sex education ? This is where that stat about first exposure to porn at age 12 really hits . Maybe you watched a lot of it , maybe that was your main or only source of sex education . This question matters because how we feel about sex desire , our bodies and the role sex plays in relationships is shaped early , most of the time without us even realizing it . So was physical affection a part of your childhood , either in how you received it or how it was modeled by your parents ? I remember vividly the first time I saw my parents kiss , because I was 15 and we were on vacation . I was so uncomfortable because I was 15 . It was the first time Physical affection just was not something present in my childhood . And when it came to the talk , my mom found my birth control implied I was promiscuous . She'd never used that exact word , but the message was loud and clear , completely unfounded , by the way . I was just one of those better safe than sorry teens , and then we never spoke about it again . So part of what we're exploring here is how our environment and what was or wasn't modeled for us shaped our relationship with sex . Was there shame in your family around sex ? We'll be diving more into shame next week , but it's worth naming now . A lot of people carry sexual shame that was instilled during childhood , whether from parents , religious teachings or cultural silence , and that's often where those sneaky lifelong hangups begin . Okay , question two how do you truly feel during and after sexual experiences emotionally , physically , energetically ? Instead of focusing only on performance or frequency , tune into how you feel before . Instead of focusing only on performance or frequency . Tune into how you feel before , during and after sex . Do you feel connected , drained , energized , numb Seen ? Reflecting here helps you understand what kind of sex feels nourishing versus depleting for you . Take a moment and think about the best sex you've ever had . What made it so great ? Think about the worst sex you ever had . What made it so bad ? Question three On a related note , if you're sexually active , when's the last time you and your partner actually talked about your sex life ? And I don't mean a quick comment about frequency , I don't mean arguing about how much you've had it or a quick oh , that was nice . I mean a real , honest conversation about how you both experience sex . When's the last time you asked your partner what they actually like , what feels good Physically , emotionally , psychologically , depending on how long you've been together . This might feel a little awkward , you might think , shouldn't ? I know this by now . But here's the truth . None of us are telepathic . And even if you used to know , things evolve . And even if you used to know things evolve , bodies change , preferences shift , life happens . All the relationship experts Esther Perel , vanessa Marin , john Gottman say the same thing Better communication equals better relationships , and better relationships lead to better sex , ergo communicate . Question four Are you having sex or avoiding sex in order to meet an emotional need ? Sometimes we seek sex to feel loved , wanted , soothed , in control . Other times we avoid sex due to fear , pain , vulnerability or past wounds . Recognizing the emotional layer behind our sexual choices opens the door to more conscious connection and more aware choices . And lastly , question number five what are your sexual challenges ? And this is where you get to be honest with yourself about the things that might feel uncomfortable to say out loud . Maybe it's pain during sex , erectile dysfunction , performance anxiety , low libido , porn use or shame . We touched on this when we talked about guilt , because shame can't survive being spoken aloud . When you bring these challenges into the light , they begin to lose their grip . Talking openly creates space for support , compassion and connection . It gives your partner the opportunity to show you just how much they love you , not in spite of your struggles , but through them , with you , and that's where real healing and growth can begin together . You know it's funny while prepping this episode I actually found myself feeling a little uncomfortable . And I talk about this stuff all the time with clients , with friends , my husband . I'm no stranger to a good romance novel , but still , societal programming runs deep . There are just certain things we're taught not to talk about , at least not in public or not with certain people . I won't be bothered , for instance , if my mother-in-law never listens to this episode . But that doesn't mean these conversations aren't worth having , especially with the people who matter most . So good luck pushing past the cringe , get over the awkwardness for the sake of deeper connection , better communication , stronger relationship . You know the conversations that make us squirm a little are often the ones that matter most . That's all for today . Just a reminder these episodes are not meant to cover every angle of the topic , so of course we didn't even scratch the surface of everything related to sexuality , but it was a start . Next week , on to Chakra 3 , all about personal power , confidence and the fire within . If you have any questions , comments , thoughts , feel free to click the message me button . If you have any questions , comments , thoughts , feel free to click the message me button if you're listening on Spotify , or send an email to rootsoftherise at gmailcom

Celebrating Milestones and Gratitude

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. One more thing before I go . I just want to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who's reached out to let me know you're finding value in this podcast . Honestly , it can feel a little strange speaking to the void every day , especially when I'm so used to teaching in person where I get that immediate feedback and connection . But yesterday something exciting happened . We hit two milestones the 50th episode and over a hundred downloads in a single week for the first time . I know that might be small potatoes in the podcasting world , but to me it was huge . It totally made my day and gave me a renewed sense of purpose . It reminded me that this is worthwhile , that someone out there is listening and getting something valuable from it . So please know , every time you download an episode or hit subscribe and I see those numbers tick up it matters , it really does . So thank you so much . I hope you have a wonderful weekend and remember , know who you are , love who you've been and be willing to do the work to become who you want to be .