Welcome to Roots of the Rise with me, sarah Hope. Sex there I said it, and if that already made you squirm a little, you're definitely not alone. The truth is, most people either obsess over it or avoid it altogether. But even if it makes you or me a little uncomfortable, we need to talk about what sex is actually about Not performance, not perfection, but connection, healing and deep human intimacy. So let's get curious, let's get honest and maybe through the discomfort, a doorway will open to more joy, more closeness and, hopefully, more pleasure.

Who doesn't have some kind of hang-up about sexuality? Too little, too much fear, shame, compulsion, deprivation, addiction, you name it. These days, sexuality is both rejected and magnified, and that's deeply unfortunate, because sexuality, at its core, is a life force. It restores, it renews, it balances and, yes, it reproduces. But we live in a culture where it's often either repressed or exploited, and that creates deep confusion and deep imbalance. This week we've been talking about all things related to the second chakra, the energy center that holds our programming, primarily of sexuality and emotions. When our sexuality is frustrated or shut down, we often feel the opposite of what this chakra is meant to bring vitality, aliveness and flow. Repressed sexuality can dull our energy, block our creative flow and rob us of the pleasure and growth that comes from authentic relationship. As Anadeya Judith I believe it's in one of her books and hopefully I'm pronouncing her name correctly. Anyway, she beautifully puts it this way Just as you can't dribble a ball that's resting on the floor, a person with a closed second chakra may struggle to find partners to help open it. Meanwhile, a second chakra that's wide, open may attract more energy and more people than it knows how to manage. That's the spiritual principle of like attracts like. Denying our body's intimacy and sexual expression cuts us off from some of the most profound pleasure the body is capable of. It dulls not only our sensual experience but also our emotional sensitivity. Energetically speaking, when two people come together, face to face, all their chakras align. During sex, each chakra begins to vibrate more intensely. Energy passes between their bodies, weaving connection at every level physical, emotional, energetic. You don't have to believe in chakras to recognize the truth of this.

Esther Perel, a Belgian psychotherapist, author of several books. She's got a podcast. She's wonderful. She talks a lot about how important sex is, not just physically, but emotionally and in relationship. She points out how in Western culture, there's a huge focus on performance. How often, how good, how exciting is the sex? This isn't surprising.

Think about how much sexual content is seen just on TV in a given day. Forget about porn and the rest of the sex. This isn't surprising. Think about how much sexual content is seen just on TV in a given day. Forget about porn and the rest of the internet. And that's all performative. How much of it gives a realistic, actual portrayal of true sexual intimacy? Maybe there's correlation for that first year, that honeymoon stage. But after 20 years with the same partner, it's probably not still the role-playing, swipe the plates off the dinner table, bodice ripping kind of sex. Maybe it is. I mean more power to you if so. But think about this stat 73% of teenagers have seen porn, with 12 as the average age of first exposure. At least that's what a Google search told me.

Now this episode isn't about porn, but it has to be part of the conversation because overuse can cause some real problems reduced arousal to real life intimacy, like legitimately not being able to enjoy actual sex, disconnection from your partners, using porn as an escape. That said, not all porn use is problematic. For many it can be part of a healthy sex life. It only becomes an issue when it starts interfering with real connection, love and presence, or when it's the only exposure to sex a young person has. That can lead to some real misunderstanding about what sex actually looks like, feels like and should be like. Esther Perel says Sex is more about connection, feels like and should be like. Esther Perel says sex is more about connection, play and presence. It's emotional, not just physical, and we need to talk about it more. And she's right. We joke about sex all the time in our culture, but when it comes to real, meaningful conversations, especially with our partners, we often stay silent and while many insinuate that women care and need more of the emotional connection, whereas men are all about the physical, there's more to it than that, which is something Vanessa Marin, a licensed sex therapist, talks about beautifully on Armchair Expert during the episode I'm going to link for you below. She wrote a book called Sex Talks, which is fabulous, that I'll also link below. That goes over how to start having conversations with your partner Because, as she says, why is it so hard to talk about sex, even with the person who regularly sees you naked? I'll link her podcast too. It's called Pillow Talks and she co-hosts it with her husband. One of these days I may do an entire episode just on her work. It's that good and so helpful for giving you a framework for discussion, but for today I just want to leave you with five simple questions to ask yourself about your own sexual programming. Before we get into it, and while we're talking about self-awareness around sex, we also need to acknowledge something really important sexual trauma. I am so sorry if you've experienced this. The effects are long lasting. It can and does wound deeply, living on in the body, the nervous system and in our sense of safety and worth. If this is part of your experience, know that unfortunately, you're not alone. Depending on the severity, sometimes healing from that kind of hurt takes so much more than self-reflection. It may mean working with a trauma-informed therapist, a somatic practitioner, having a support group, and that's not weakness, it's strength, it's a way of honoring your body and your healing. So, as you explore these questions, be gentle with yourself. And this goes for all of you, even for those who haven't experienced this kind of abuse. Thinking about sex can bring up a lot. So be gentle with yourself. If anything feels too tender or overwhelming, it's okay. So, with all of that said, let's dive in Question number one. What messages did you get about sex as a child? What was your sex education? This is where that stat about first exposure to porn at age 12 really hits. Maybe you watched a lot of it, maybe that was your main or only source of sex education. This question matters because how we feel about sex desire, our bodies and the role sex plays in relationships is shaped early, most of the time without us even realizing it. So was physical affection a part of your childhood, either in how you received it or how it was modeled by your parents? I remember vividly the first time I saw my parents kiss, because I was 15 and we were on vacation. I was so uncomfortable because I was 15. It was the first time Physical affection just was not something present in my childhood. And when it came to the talk, my mom found my birth control implied I was promiscuous. She'd never used that exact word, but the message was loud and clear, completely unfounded, by the way. I was just one of those better safe than sorry teens, and then we never spoke about it again. So part of what we're exploring here is how our environment and what was or wasn't modeled for us shaped our relationship with sex. Was there shame in your family around sex? We'll be diving more into shame next week, but it's worth naming now. A lot of people carry sexual shame that was instilled during childhood, whether from parents, religious teachings or cultural silence, and that's often where those sneaky lifelong hangups begin. Okay, question two how do you truly feel during and after sexual experiences emotionally, physically, energetically? Instead of focusing only on performance or frequency, tune into how you feel before. Instead of focusing only on performance or frequency. Tune into how you feel before, during and after sex. Do you feel connected, drained, energized, numb Seen? Reflecting here helps you understand what kind of sex feels nourishing versus depleting for you. Take a moment and think about the best sex you've ever had. What made it so great? Think about the worst sex you ever had. What made it so bad? Question three On a related note, if you're sexually active, when's the last time you and your partner actually talked about your sex life? And I don't mean a quick comment about frequency, I don't mean arguing about how much you've had it or a quick oh, that was nice. I mean a real, honest conversation about how you both experience sex. When's the last time you asked your partner what they actually like, what feels good Physically, emotionally, psychologically, depending on how long you've been together. This might feel a little awkward, you might think, shouldn't? I know this by now. But here's the truth. None of us are telepathic. And even if you used to know, things evolve. And even if you used to know things evolve, bodies change, preferences shift, life happens. All the relationship experts Esther Perel, vanessa Marin, john Gottman say the same thing Better communication equals better relationships, and better relationships lead to better sex, ergo communicate. Question four Are you having sex or avoiding sex in order to meet an emotional need? Sometimes we seek sex to feel loved, wanted, soothed, in control. Other times we avoid sex due to fear, pain, vulnerability or past wounds. Recognizing the emotional layer behind our sexual choices opens the door to more conscious connection and more aware choices. And lastly, question number five what are your sexual challenges? And this is where you get to be honest with yourself about the things that might feel uncomfortable to say out loud. Maybe it's pain during sex, erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, low libido, porn use or shame. We touched on this when we talked about guilt, because shame can't survive being spoken aloud. When you bring these challenges into the light, they begin to lose their grip. Talking openly creates space for support, compassion and connection. It gives your partner the opportunity to show you just how much they love you, not in spite of your struggles, but through them, with you, and that's where real healing and growth can begin together. You know it's funny while prepping this episode I actually found myself feeling a little uncomfortable. And I talk about this stuff all the time with clients, with friends, my husband. I'm no stranger to a good romance novel, but still, societal programming runs deep. There are just certain things we're taught not to talk about, at least not in public or not with certain people. I won't be bothered, for instance, if my mother-in-law never listens to this episode. But that doesn't mean these conversations aren't worth having, especially with the people who matter most. So good luck pushing past the cringe, get over the awkwardness for the sake of deeper connection, better communication, stronger relationship. You know the conversations that make us squirm a little are often the ones that matter most. That's all for today. Just a reminder these episodes are not meant to cover every angle of the topic, so of course we didn't even scratch the surface of everything related to sexuality, but it was a start. Next week, on to Chakra 3, all about personal power, confidence and the fire within. If you have any questions, comments, thoughts, feel free to click the message me button. If you have any questions, comments, thoughts, feel free to click the message me button if you're listening on Spotify, or send an email to rootsoftherise at gmailcom. One more thing before I go. I just want to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who's reached out to let me know you're finding value in this podcast. Honestly, it can feel a little strange speaking to the void every day, especially when I'm so used to teaching in person where I get that immediate feedback and connection. But yesterday something exciting happened. We hit two milestones the 50th episode and over a hundred downloads in a single week for the first time. I know that might be small potatoes in the podcasting world, but to me it was huge. It totally made my day and gave me a renewed sense of purpose. It reminded me that this is worthwhile, that someone out there is listening and getting something valuable from it. So please know, every time you download an episode or hit subscribe and I see those numbers tick up it matters, it really does. So thank you so much. I hope you have a wonderful weekend and remember, know who you are, love who you've been and be willing to do the work to become who you want to be.