Unconditional love is powerful, but it is not unconditional permission. Today we're exploring the boundary between love and self-abandonment. This is part one of a two-part episode series on creating a boundaries. Welcome to Roots of the Rise with me, Sarah Hope, where spiritual wisdom meets practical tools in short, bite-sized episodes. These are tasters, not deep dives, designed to spark curiosity and guide you towards authentic alignment so you can discover who you truly are, release what holds you back, and rise into your best self. Something came up the other day that I thought was important to talk about here. I was talking with someone about boundaries, and we got into a little bit of a debate about what healthy boundaries actually look like, especially when it comes to the people closest to us, our partner, our parent, our child, our best friend. Some people believe that with that, those types of people, those most important people in your life to you, you should be willing to do anything for them. That there should be no ask too big, that if you love someone unconditionally, you should be willing to go above and beyond, even if it makes you uncomfortable or stretches you thin or is asking you to do something that doesn't feel right to you. I don't agree with this. Unconditional love does not equate to unconditional permission. You can love someone unconditionally, meaning there's nothing they could do that would make you love them less, while still establishing what behavior, treatment, or language is acceptable and what's not. This truth helps us stay full of integrity. It keeps us from making choices that compromise our well-being or pull us out of alignment with our own truth. So many of us were conditioned to believe that love equates to self-sacrifice, or at the very least, to always being accommodating. But there's a big problem with that. It can lead us to resentment, depletion, and it may be most importantly, a loss of connection with our own inner voice. You know, for many of us, this conditioning begins when we are way too young to even recognize that it's happening. You know, we don't realize that we're starting to subvert ourselves. We just learn somehow that love is earned by being good, doing what we're told, being helpful, being easy. Or maybe, like in my case, you grew up with people who didn't have good boundaries of their own. You learned to manage other people's comfort instead of your own because of that. You internalized the belief that if I love someone, I shouldn't upset them. If I love someone, I should never say no. And how does that show up later in life? I mean, people pleasing is the, you know, common term, you know, saying yes when you really want to say no. And this often results in overextending ourselves, becoming drained, sometimes crossing over into resentment, which undermines the relationship as a whole. You know, it can show up as staying in relationships out of guilt or obligation, convincing yourself you should want something just because it looks good on paper. It checks all the boxes. I mean, that was my first marriage. He was a wonderful person from a wonderful family. On paper, there was no reason why I shouldn't have been happy. I mean, he was my best friend. But I wasn't, and neither was he. And it took me a long time to walk away because of this conditioning that told me not to trust my inner voice. A more dangerous example is staying in a friendship or a relationship where boundaries are crossed again and again, but you keep excusing it because you know they're going through a hard time, or you know their past, you know that what they've experienced and why they are the way they are. Even though quietly that boundary crossing is eroding the trust between the two of you. Sometimes this pattern looks like silence, staying quiet to keep the peace, or to avoid disappointing someone. Think about my friend who went to law school, even though she had no real desire to be a lawyer. I mean, from day one, she didn't want to have that be her profession, but it was what was expected, and she was really good at it. So she did it. And, you know, the the good news is that thankfully, you know, she got out of that role and did what she really felt called to do before too many years had passed, but not everyone does. Some people live in that lie for decades. You know, the trickiest part is that, you know, all of these behaviors, they look loving on the surface. They even get praised. You know, you're so kind, you're so patient, you're so understanding. Look how dedicated you are, even though you don't like what you're doing. But underneath, they quietly erode our authenticity and our joy, for that matter. You know, I don't think most parents intend to create this dynamic. I don't think many people try to create this dynamic. I mean, they just want the best for their kids or for uh their friends or their spouse. I mean, my girlfriend's parents who encouraged her to be a lawyer, they just wanted her to be successful, to have a career that would provide for her. My mother didn't not intend it to program me to think that I needed to do what, you know, quote unquote makes sense instead of what my heart was telling me. I don't think anyone intellectually wants a loved one to push themselves to the breaking point just to take care of others. But regardless of intentions, when love becomes self-abandonment, we disconnect from our true selves. You know, we might appear kind and accommodating, but inside there's tension. Inside there's a sense of dis ease. There's a sense of resentment or exhaustion, even quiet anger. And that's because love without boundaries is not sustainable. It drains the giver and it keeps relationships superficial, people pleasing, overgiving. They are not the same thing as loving. They're often fear in disguise, fear of conflict, of rejection or loss. Real love has room for truth, room for boundaries, room for individuality. So when we say unconditional love does not equate to unconditional permission, this is what we mean. You can love someone deeply and still say no. You can forgive someone and still choose distance. You can hold compassion without ignoring your own needs. And that's where we begin to understand what unconditional love actually is. It's not limitless access or tolerance, but an unwavering presence that can coexist with truth and boundaries. We're going to talk about this in far more detail on Thursday. And if this conversation resonated with you, what I want you to do is take a moment from now until then to notice where you might be saying yes out of obligation instead of alignment. So here are some prompts to help you, you know, get started thinking about this. What are you tolerating that you no longer want to? Where do you say yes when everything in you says no? And why? What parts of yourself do you keep quiet in order to keep the peace? What version of love did you learn growing up? What did you need to do in order to be loved? What would it look like to love without abandoning yourself? And lastly, where does compassion for others turn into neglect of yourself? That's all for today. It's a short episode, but there's a lot in there to process. There's a lot in there to, you know, have that self-reflection and introspection and see, wait a minute, where am I in this? Where am I losing myself? So on Thursday, we're going to explore what this looks like in action. How do you actually set and communicate boundaries that honor your truth without losing your compassion, without losing connection? And we'll talk about what real unconditional love sounds like when it's expressed through healthy, aligned boundaries. If you have any questions on this topic, make sure you email me sometime in the next couple of days so that I can hopefully get to answering them in part two on Thursday. You can email me at Sarah at risingwithsarah.com, and that's Sarah within the Beach. Until next time, remember, know who you are, love who you've been, and be willing to do the work to become who you're meant to be. Just a quick reminder this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist, and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist, or any other qualified provider. That said, I hope it inspires you to grow, heal, and seek the support you need to thrive.