If you're heading into a holiday gathering you know will be uncomfortable, stressful, or emotionally triggering, this episode is for you. We're going to talk about how to protect your energy, set strong boundaries, and stay calm, even when family dynamics are tight. By the end, you'll have practical, easy-to-use tools to navigate the holidays without losing your peace. Welcome to Roots of the Rise with me, Sarah Hope, where spiritual wisdom meets practical tools in short, bite-sized episodes. These are tasters, not deep dives, meant to spark curiosity, help you root deeply, rise freely, and remember who you truly are. One of my favorite quotes, I believe it's Ram Das, who said, if you think you're enlightened, go spend a weekend with your family. We are about to go into a major holiday season, right? And for so many people, this is not a joyous thought. It is stressful as anything. It's how am I going to survive this intact? How am I going to get through this without flipping out at Uncle Joe over his racist comments or snap under the pressure of perfection that is passive-aggressively getting placed on me by my mother, or live through another dinner of knowing what a disappointment I am to my dad. Even as I say that, I find myself, first of all, remembering deeply what that feels like. And also feeling overwhelmed with gratitude that I don't have to deal with any of that anymore. I mean, my parents are all past, all four of them. They're gone. It's a bittersweet thing, right? I both miss them terribly in a complicated kind of way. And I also feel deep thanks that I don't have to manage all that hurt, all that complicated emotion that came up every time I went home, especially on the holidays, because there's so much added pressure. So while I will not be in it with you this Thanksgiving, because I now get to spend it with my husband's family, whom I absolutely adore, I do intimately know and remember what it was like to feel like to head into holidays with all that anxiety and dread and needing to do a lot of mental prep work. And a big part of that for me, especially as I began to learn these tools. I didn't have them most well, most of my parents were alive. And that was long before I had done any of this work. So I didn't have it with them. But I did during the last few years of my adopted father's life. And uh it really served me well to learn how to set and strong internal energetic boundaries as I moved into interacting with him and kind of the family dynamics that surrounded him. And this idea of being able to set strong internal energetic boundaries is what we're going to focus on today. So, what exactly do I mean by internal or energetic boundaries? I want you to think of it like a hula hoop on the ground. You step inside, and the only things that are allowed to get into your hula hoop, into your circle, are the thoughts, emotions, and energy that you consciously allow. Everything else, the judgment, the gossip, the stress, the pressure, that stays outside the hula hoop. The first step to establishing strong boundaries happens before you even walk into the family gathering. Really important to get that kind of in your head. You've got to do the prep work far before you actually enter the arena. It's setting aside time to fill your hula hoop with the qualities you want to carry: calm, patience, humor, joy, love. You want to decide what gets to be inside. As young Pablo says, one of the best boundaries you can have is simply not letting other people's energy bring down your emotions. Living in your peace, even when you come across those who want you to join them in their storm, is a sign of deep maturity. And that's exactly what we're aiming for. You making a conscious decision to not be affected by other people, to not allow other people to bring you down or steal your joy. Now, let's get tactical. The key here, again, is to do this before the event, not once you're already triggered. Once you're triggered, it there are techniques, there are things you can learn to kind of pull yourself back into center. Um, but it's challenging, right? So taking a few minutes beforehand, you know, the day of the couple days before, the week before, the month before, like start right now to doing like a little bit of a boundary check-in to get yourself ready. So, first of all, in order to do that, you want to identify your triggers. What topics or behaviors are likely to push your buttons? What situations constantly tip you into anger, frustration, or hurt? Knowing this ahead of time gives you a heads up so you're not caught off guard. And I bet anything, many of you kind of know. You're, you know, you're you've already said to your spouse that you are mentally like preparing yourself to deal with, you know, that uncle's insensitivity, or that mother's passive aggressiveness, or that's dad's constant negativity. You probably know what it is that's likely going to be challenging for you. But it's important to like stop and really set yourself up, really own it, really recognize and acknowledge the things that are going to be challenging for you. So, step two, you want to set non-negotiables, like decide what you are just not going to engage with. That might mean avoiding certain arguments, staring clear of controversial topics, or choosing not to respond to passive-aggressive comments. It could even mean setting a time limit on your visit. For example, if you know that things tend to get tense after dessert because that's when all the drinking finally catches up to everybody, maybe you plan to eat and leave. This isn't copping out, it's setting yourself up for success. Pick your heart. Would you rather stay and risk escalation and the whole day getting ruined, walking away hurt and wishing you hadn't gone, or leave early and feel a little guilt, but avoid the drama. Number three, speaking of speaking of leaving, plan your exit strategy. Have a way out. You know, step outside for a few deep breaths, take a walk, excuse yourself from the room. And if that's not gonna be enough, if you know that like a little micro exit isn't gonna work, then have a plan to actually leave the event and, you know, plan it out way ahead of time instead of springing it on the people you're with the day of, lay the groundwork. You know, a week in advance, you might say, I'm gonna have to leave after dessert because I have another commitment. Sure, there might be some guilt tripping, but you'll have time to prepare and emotionally buffer yourself. And everyone will be on the same page and had that expectation. They might, you know, jive you a little bit for it on the day of, but it's a known quantity and people do better with that. You know, studies show that rehearsing stressful situations and planning your responses ahead of time actually helps your brain stay calmer in the moment. Think of it as mental armor. You're giving yourself a toolkit to navigate the day with more ease and control. And an important element of this, as you visualize yourself, for instance, leaving early, you want to visualize yourself being calm and centered as you do that. So it's not that you're visualizing yourself leaving and the whole family eruption and you're feeling in your body how guilty and awful it will feel. No, no. You are reframing this, right? You are rewriting how this is gonna go. So in your body, in your system, you are visualizing yourself saying, Oh, so sorry. It's three o'clock. I gotta head out. Love you guys. Thank you so much for a wonderful time. And even as you get the guilt trips or the side eyes or whatever it is, you're visualizing yourself feeling calm and centered and 100% okay with your decision to leave. So that's kind of the prep work. Once you're in the thick of it, let's talk about some quick practical ways to protect your peace. Breath work is always useful. Breath work is so impactful because it is the only physiological function that is both somatic and autonomic, meaning it is something that we do involuntarily. It's not like you're constantly telling yourself to breathe. And also you can control your breath. And that's different from something like digestion, for instance. You don't, you can't order your digestion to work. It'd be great if you could, but you can't. It's something that happens automatically, right? So uh one breath practice that you can do that is especially impactful in stressful situations is called cyclic breathing. Uh, it's, I've talked about it before, many people talk about it. Mel Robbins actually just talked about it on one of her episodes, and she has a great way of remembering how to do this. She says, when life gets too much, two inhales, then flush. Super easy to remember. Breathe in once, then a little bit more inhale, then exhale slowly. Do that for two minutes and notice how much lighter you feel. You can also just have an internal mantra so that you're not, you know, interrupting a conversation of inhale calm, exhale tension. That's just another reframe that you can have that you can use that's quick and easy. If somebody starts talking about a topic that tends to uh trigger you, well, great. Then just in your mind mentally say, okay, I'm inhaling calm, I'm exhaling tension. Just a quick note on breath work in general. It can be very useful for some people. Some people love it and do really well with it. I also want to recognize it's not for everyone. So some people do breath work and it actually ends up stressing them out more. So just be aware of that, give it a go, see how it feels. Do it beforehand. Again, practice before you actually get into it on the day of. Here's another good one: body awareness. Check in with your physical body. Check in with your shoulders, your jaw, your stomach. Consciously relax them because odds are your shoulders are up in your ears if you are having a difficult time. You know, you can even set a phone or watch reminder to do this regularly, every hour, every 10 minutes if necessary, to just consciously remind your physiology, your body, to just relax a little bit. Sometimes reminding our physical bodies to relax can help our kind of mental body to also relax. Third one, mental detachment. Remind yourself that whatever is going on with that person, it's not yours to fix. You can say to yourself, this is not mine to fix or feel. This is theirs. I say a version of this at the start of every single private session. I say either just to myself or out loud, depending on the client, what's mine is mine, what's theirs is theirs. It's a conscious way to avoid taking on someone else's emotional baggage. And this is an example of suggestion number four, which is a reset phrase. You know, have a short mantra ready, like I carry only what I choose, or I choose calm over chaos. Or maybe peace is my power. Something like that, something simple that you can just repeat silently to yourself whenever you feel yourself getting triggered or that tension beginning to creep in. These small tools, they act like a buffer between your internal calm and that external chaos. That said, even when we set clear boundaries, sometimes holiday stress still sneaks in. Yeah, afterward, it helps to give your mind a little reset, your whole system a little reset, really. Don't just brush it off and be like, yep, that was one more insane family gathering. You know, take some time for yourself for self-care. You just walked out of a gladiator arena. Don't pretend you weren't just fighting for your life. So decompress, maybe journaling about the experience. That can be very helpful. Uh, check out my episode on journaling methods. I'll link it in the show notes. Take a walk, meditate, uh, take a really nice long bath. You know, depending on how bad it is, you actually might want to try playing Tetris. Yeah, you heard me right. Research has shown that doing a simple visual spatial game like Tetris shortly after a stressful or triggering event can actually reduce those lingering flashback type memories. The idea is that your brain is still processing the event, and playing a game that requires visual focus can help kind of use up the part of your memory that holds those intrusive images, giving you some mental relief. Even 10 minutes can help your mind feel more settled and give you a clearer, calmer space to then reflect on the experience. And it's also important to do that, to reflect, to look back and say, okay, what boundaries worked? Did that reset phrase really work? Did that breath, you know, practice that I tried, did that actually help? What didn't? And how can you adjust next time? So let's take a moment right now to just get you ready. Close your eyes for a second. Or if you're driving, obviously don't do that. Pause here and come back later. But if you can, close your eyes and imagine that hula hoop on the floor in front of you. And I want you to step into it and imagine it coming up and over, surrounding you like a perfect protective bubble. This is your space. Take a moment to decide what energy do you want to fill it with? Calm, patience, humor, joy, love. See all of that expanding in your bubble, surrounding you completely. Just take a deep breath in and exhale slowly, letting that bubble settle and grow stronger around you. Now picture the moments that usually stress you out during the holidays. Maybe it's someone who tends to push your buttons or a conversation that always triggers you. See that person outside of your hula hoop trying to reach you, but notice how their words and energy bounce harmlessly off your protective barrier. You remain inside, safe, grounded, and calm. Take another deep breath in and let it out, reinforcing that protective bubble. Know this your energy is yours to choose. Only what you consciously allow can enter your space. Set the intention to carry this calm and protection with you, not just as you move through your holiday, but always. So remember this your energy is yours to protect. You don't have to fix anyone else's feelings. You don't have to be anyone else's version of perfect. It is not your job to show people how wrong they're being. Your one job is to protect your bubble. Each moment is a choice. What are you going to allow in your hula hoop? Even a small practice of awareness and boundary setting can turn a stressful holiday into a more peaceful, manageable experience. And the best part, every time you practice this, you are strengthening a skill that will last far beyond the holidays. And just one word of caution with this or awareness. Trying to really reaffirm and set strong boundaries at the holiday season is like really kind of the hardest time to do it. I'm not saying it's impossible, but let's just acknowledge that the holidays really escalate everything. They bring up a lot for many, many people. And so if boundaries are a struggle for you, if not allowing other people to deeply influence your emotional or mental state is a challenge, just know that trying this practice, instituting it now, you're kind of doing that at the hardest time of year to do it. Doesn't mean it can't work. But recognize that this is a Mount Everest situation. This is not a like bunny slope learning how to ski. This is a triple-backed black diamond learning how to ski moment. So recognize that, acknowledge that. Don't let it stop you from trying. But know that this might be really challenging and be ready to offer yourself some self-compassion if things are harder than you thought to hold these new boundaries. Remember, you're learning a new skill. And it takes time to really perfect new skills, time and practice. And that's what this is going to be: a practice. Regardless, you always get to decide what you carry with you. And you will get to a point where you can show up in your peace no matter what is happening around you. If you know someone who could benefit from this episode, please share it with them. I'm sending you peace, clarity, and strong boundaries as we move into this holiday season. Our next episode is the final one on easy gratitude practices. Until then, remember, know who you are, love who you've been, and be willing to do the work to become who you want to be. Just a quick reminder: this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist, and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist, or any other qualified provider. That said, I hope it inspires you to grow, heal, and seek the support you need to thrive.