Do you find yourself spending a lot of time chasing the next milestone, or striving for perfection in every moment? But what if the secret to joy isn't in the big perfect moments at all, but in the small, ordinary ones tend to look? In this 200th episode, I'm turning a cautionary page by way of a letter from my mom. And inviting you to discover how noticing little joys can shift everything about how you're like. Welcome to Roots of the Rise with me, Sarah Hope, where spiritual wisdom meets practical tools in short, bite-sized episodes. These are tasters, not deep dives, designed to spark curiosity and guide you toward authentic alignment so you can discover who you truly are, release what holds you back, and rise into your best self. Today marks a hundred episodes. Just get to a hundred and see where we're at. And isn't that how we so often think about life? If I can just get to this point, then all will be well. If I can just arrive at this destination, then I'll finally feel happy or fulfilled or complete. I'll know what I'm supposed to do once I get here. I've talked about this in so many ways over these past hundred episodes: scarcity versus gratitude, growth mindset, destination addiction. Today I want to look at it through another lens, the pull toward chasing big perfect moments instead of noticing the small joys that make life meaningful. And I want to start by sharing a letter. My adopted mom wrote to herself on what turned out to be almost the exact halfway point of her life. I found it after she passed. And while I know on some level she would hate me sharing it so publicly, I honestly just can't help myself because it is such a beautiful expression of who she was. Someone deeply hurt, perpetually sad, and also endlessly seeking a better way of being, something she never really found. And so I share it as my way of honoring her today on what would have been her 76th birthday. I'm gonna do my best not to get choked up as I read it, but I rarely have success with that when I share this. So let's see how it goes. She wrote, Today marks the last day of my 29th year. Tomorrow I will be 30. It is a turning point I have dreaded. I'm not sure exactly why. I have accomplished a great deal in my 29 years thus far, but I guess I am not satisfied. To me, it hasn't been enough. I wonder if I will ever be satisfied with myself and the world in general. I am so easily disappointed and hurt. Perhaps I will never be truly happy because I cannot accept anything less than perfect, and alas, this world is not a perfect one. It is amazing that I see others' lives as perfect. Perhaps it is because they have learned the secret of enjoying life as it is, and accepting themselves and others as they are, so they're able to be happy. And to me that is perfection, the ability to be happy. I had planned to list many resolutions for this second phase of my life, but I don't think I will. I need to do but one basic thing. I must finally believe that there are good things in this world and that I am a part of them. I must stop looking so intensely for the perfect moments that I feel will bring happiness, and I must let the everyday warm, pleasant, close moments impart their joy on my life. To do this, I've got to notice life more. If I stop planning what events must occur in order to create a state of happiness, perhaps I'll be free to notice the dozens of spontaneous, beautiful moments that flit in and out of my daily life. I don't notice them now because I'm always waiting for that big moment. Guess maybe that's why I'm so down today. I've finally found out that the big moment is made out of a thousand tiny moments, and I, sadly, have let them go by unnoticed. Let me start from this day on to stop looking for that elusive rainbow. Let me appreciate instead the millions of tiny specks from that rainbow that color my life daily. Let me be able to look back ten years from now and say that this was the turning point of my life. The day I accepted myself and my world, the day I finally allowed the sun to shine in. She never really accomplished what she wrote about in that letter. She never found a way to appreciate the small moments, to fully accept herself, let alone her life. And the big moments, they were never big enough, never perfect enough. There was always something wrong, always something that needed fixing. Nothing was ever simply wonderful. She struggled, at least my entire life, to be at peace with things as they were, to accept life on its own terms. I often wonder how our relationship might have changed in the 17 years since she passed. Seventeen years, gosh, time flies. You know, I wonder, I wonder if we would have been able to find some sort of equilibrium, some sort of healing. I don't know. What I do know is that I found peace with our relationship now. And that took a long time. It was a lot easier to forgive her once she was gone. That might sound harsh, but it's true, and I know I'm not the only one who's felt this. Isn't there a book out there? I'm glad my mother died. I think that's what it's called. I'm not the only one who has felt this way. You know, her passing felt like a blessing in some ways. The gaping hole she left behind. You know, at first it was filled with rage and grief and resentment, but it eventually became easier to fill with acceptance, forgiveness, and compassion. Mainly because she wasn't there to keep shoveling the other stuff in. The wound she created in me was finally able to heal rather than being constantly reopened by her subtle and not so subtle aggressions and insinuations and comments. You know, she's the one who gave me the middle name Hope. It's a name I hated for so long because I knew on some level the responsibility she was placing on me with that name. I was supposed to be her hope, her hope for peace, for joy, for love, her hope for healing. That was my job. And I failed. I know now it was never my responsibility. She tasked a child with something no child could ever do. It took me years to finally lay down that burden. Have you ever felt this way? That you've been asked to carry something that was never yours to begin with. You know, and now part of my work is helping others release those same kind of burdens, you know, helping them stop seeking the rainbow, as my mom put it, and instead adapting and developing this ability to see the millions of tiny specks of gorgeous color that already exists in their lives. Because the big moments come, but they are so rare that if we're waiting on them to feel joy, we risk missing our whole lives. We risk looking at our lives and seeing only a dull gray. We just, we miss out. And that's why it felt fitting to share this today on what looks like a big moment, a hundred episodes. You know, funny thing is it doesn't feel that big, doesn't feel as big as I thought it would. Maybe because I've already realized 100 is just one step along this podcast journey. Maybe because I've had so much joy, I've gotten so much fulfillment out of every single, well, let's not overstate, not every episode. There were some that I struggled with and that I still don't love. But, you know, for the most part, this has been uh a gift of my heart. This has been uh a journey of joy, you know, and things have changed, right? The show has shifted so much already, format, length, frequency, and it's about to shift again. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but it's uh it's a little nuts out there right now. I mean, truly wild. And one of the unintended consequences I'm seeing is that people are either doubling down on their misery, anger, and sense of powerlessness, or they're finally sorting out their baggage because they just can't handle it anymore. I can't tell you how many new clients have walked through my door lately saying the same thing. The stress is killing me, I'm stuck in fight or flight, something has to change, or I'm going under. The chaos of the world has pushed so many to their limit, and they're realizing that while they can't control everything out there, they can learn to feel more at peace, more stable, more secure, more at home within themselves. Now, I'm not saying this makes everything, you know, balance out or that the hardships people are suffering right now don't matter. Of course they do. What I am saying is that the more people who find the courage, the determination, and the support to heal their deep wounds, the better off we all are. And right now, people are showing up for that work, which means I am busy, wildly, wonderfully busy with private clients, retreats, classes. I am doing my best to be my best for everyone who is so bravely showing up to do the work right now, while also still being present for my son, my husband, my friends, my family. And the truth is, I'm burning out. I'm burning the candle on both ends. So instead of pushing harder, I am choosing to pivot. I'm going to drop down to two episodes a week, Monday and Thursdays. It's a simple shift, but it's one that will create the space I need to sustain myself and to keep showing up fully, both here and in the rest of my life. I'll finish out this week and start the new schedule next week, and we'll see how it goes. You know, another big factor in this decision is my physical health. I've been dealing with SIBO, which I'm sure I'll talk about at during in some episode at some point, you know, with stubborn weight gain, with uh perimenopause. And honestly, it's because I haven't been prioritizing myself. And here's another parallel with my mom. She didn't prioritize her health either. She struggled with diabetes. And instead of caring for herself, she made choices that made things so much worse. And that's why she ended up passing when she was 59, at least in part. It's because she didn't take care of herself. Sometimes she even used her condition as a weapon in, you know, our family. But that's neither here nor there. The point is, I'm not going to make the same mistakes my mother did. I'm not going to do that to myself, and I'm certainly not going to do that to my son. I want to be here for as long as possible for him. I refuse to put him through what I went through. So this change is partly about reclaiming time for my health, for movement, for nourishment. And here's an important point, all relating back to perfectionism. I'm not going to beat myself up for this shift. I'm not feeling regret or sadness or hesitation. What I feel is joy, alignment, a sense of opening. And so now it's your turn. As I celebrate this milestone, 100th episode, I want to turn it back to you. What milestones have you been chasing, hoping that they'd finally bring peace or fulfillment? What sort of difficulties has that chase created in your life? What other balls have you been dropping? Go back to the priorities episode. I'll link it. Are you really prioritizing your priorities? And what little joys might you be overlooking along the way? Where is there joy in your life? Right now, what three things are bringing you joy? Not big moments, the little ones. Is it your morning coffee, the walk after dinner, crawling into bed and watching your favorite show at the end of the day, the way your dog greets you at your door? It doesn't matter what it is. I'm asking you simply to notice it today. Slow down, really savor it. Create a moment of more like I talked about in episode 94. Can you feel more joy? Can you bring it in more deeply? From now through Monday, pause three times each day. Morning, afternoon, evening. Maybe tie it in with eating a meal to remind yourself to do it. And name one simple joy in that moment. Write it down and really feel it. If you're struggling to find one, ask yourself, what is one small shift I could make to create more space for small moments of joy, alignment, or health in my own life. Because your life is not defined by the big flashy moments. It's about noticing the thousands of tiny moments that come in between and appreciating them exactly as they are and making space in your life to have more of them. Thank you so much for listening today. I can't wait to see what the next hundred episodes bring. Remember, if you have any questions or want to suggest a topic for me to talk about, email me at rootsoftherise at gmail.com. I would love to hear from you. Until next time, remember, know who you are, love who you've been, and be willing to do the work to become who you're meant to be. Just a quick reminder this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. I am not a licensed therapist, and nothing shared here is meant to replace the guidance of a physician, therapist, or any other qualified provider. That said, I hope it inspires you to grow, heal, and seek the support you need to thrive.